After I woke up this morning feeling sore again, I had to go to the nutritionist to get my meal plan.
Did I want to go get a meal plan after feeling so physically uncomfortable ? No I did not.
To be honest, I really thought I did extremely well this week by increasing my calories on my own. I was actually considering canceling my appointment. But knowing no one on my health team or support team would support that decision, I went.
I was shocked to learn that despite my drastic calorie increase, my weight was the same today that it was last week (even though I do not know what that number is). It truly is mind boggling to me because when I look in the mirror I see a completely different and bigger person than I saw a week ago.
But that leaves me with the harsh realization that my so called healthy meal plan is most likely not that healthy.
So here I am one hour later with a meal plan that what the nutritionist considers restrictive is very very overwhelming for me.
I will be honest and say right now I mentally don’t know how I’ll be able to keep to this plan of constant eating but I know I’ll have to find a way.
I am going to take my black and white personality and put all of my effort and energy into trying my best to trust my health team and to just do what this plan says.
Ed is already telling me to throw the plan away. He’s already telling me that it will ruin what I’ve worked so hard for. But that is ok. I will continue to fight Ed today just like I have been .
So on that note, hello to a new day of fighting , hello to my new meal plan, and lastly, “hello life.”