Good morning everyone,
Today I am celebrating one entire month that I have not weighed myself and have not looked at any number on a scale.
Essentially, this day marks one month of me being in recovery. I have always felt that the day I gave up my scale, is the day my recovery began.
Looking back on the past month, I am blown away and yet shocked at all the huge changes that I have made to my life. While many of these changes have been painful and have tested every ounce of strength in me physically and emotionally, they are also the changes that will lead me to live a life free from this eating disorder. They are the changes that will bring me true sense of self, true freedom and true happiness.
When I started this blog one month ago, I was the most scared I had ever been in my entire life. Not only was I beginning to realize how hard the process of recovery would be, but I took my biggest kept secret (my eating disorder) and I publicized it on this blog for the world to read.
Exposing myself, my secret, and my struggles on a public blog was definitely terrifying and it felt uncomfortable at first-and sometimes it still does, but at the same time, it has become the biggest blessing for me.
This blog has brought me support, love and encouragement from family, friends and strangers alike.It is with this new support system that I have found myself to be able to be strong even during my weakest moments.
The fact that I promised myself and everyone reading this blog that I will go one whole year without a scale, does help with keeping me accountable. Every time I feel like I need that number on a scale to validate myself, I remember the immense amount of support I get from the people reading my blog, and before I know it, the urge to weigh myself has passed.
One month ago, I never would have imagined myself to have made the decisions that I’ve made. I never would have thought that I would take my eating disorder blinders off so soon and that I would be forced to open my eyes so damn wide.
But, that did happen. I did take off my blinders and I did open my eyes, and while doing so, I became a fighter. I have begun to fight my eating disorder, and I have begun to fight with my own perception of what I see in the mirror versus what I really look like in reality.
But most importantly, I have begun to fight for my future-a future that I know, that whatever I lost from this eating disorder or from my recent heart ache, God will restore me double-and when he does, I will not only be a fighter, I will be the world champion of the title that my eating disorder tried so hard to keep: the title of my life.
When I gave E (my therapist) my scale one month ago, she asked me if there was anything I would like to say to it, and the very first thing that came to my mind were the words “hello life,”–and from that, this blog was created.
Thank you to everyone who is coming on this journey with me and reading my blog day in and day out. Thank you for letting me take you into my mind and spirit as I fight this battle against my eating disorder, and thank you for being my strength and support on a daily and even hourly basis.
Hello to another 11 months of me documenting my adventure and journey of one year without a scale and hello to the beautiful things that it will bring me.
I am so proud to wake up today, on this one month milestone of my recovery, and say to you all and especially to myself, “hello life.”