If this is your first visit to my blog,let me start by saying that you should read the “about me” page before this post, so this entry makes sense.
Although this is my first documented post about my one year without a scale, I am already 7 days into it. I was talking with my therapist, and for our purposes for this blog, we will call her E. I was telling E about my idea for this blog and how documenting my journey of a year without a scale might be a cool idea and that I would make a final decision by Friday. When E asked me why I was going to wait until Friday, I really could not give her an answer. So world, here I am. I have officially made the commitment for be scale free for an entire 365 days and my documentation starts here.
The firs thing that I need to say is that I am going to be completely and utterly honest on this blog. There will be nothing that is sugar coated, nothing that is fake, and I cannot assure you that everything you read will be happy or positive, but I can promise you that it will be the truth.
So I am just going to dive right in. Today I feel horrible. I woke up with my entire body feeling sore all over. This happens to me every time i basically eat any amount of substantial calories. My entire stomach and chest feel like they have bruises every where. I have accounted this feeling to to0 much sodium intake the day before, but I am still not sure if that totally makes sense. If this has ever happened to anyone else out there in the world, I would love to know so I can see that I am not the only one.
For me, the biggest challenge of my day so far has been being able to be kind to myself and eat and drink properly when I feel this soreness every time I move. It’s like a constant reminder of the pizza, wine, cake and chocolate I ate last night-the results of having one glass of wine too many.
This is where this blog comes in. I know that I have two choices today. Choice one, which is to sit at home, forget about school and my boyfriend’s mom’s birthday and sit all day drinking only tea and coffee and obsessing over how huge I feel I have become in the past 7 days, or I can be proactive, write this blog ,focus on school and not let this eating disorder take over my life for yet another God damn day.
While choice one is by far the easiest choice above all, it would be letting my eating disorder win me over and on a day like today where I am celebrating a milestone,( one week of being scale free), I am not going to let that happen. So choice 2 it is.
I am not sure how I am going to get through today, I am not sure how many times I might cry or cringe when I walk past a mirror, but one thing is certain; I will get through it and I will wake up tomorrow and my life will go on past this uncomfortable body soreness and obsessive negative thinking. It will, it will, it will.
And in my weakest moments, like right now, where I can feel my tummy growling for food and I know I need to go eat lunch, I will remind myself of one thing: saying good bye to my scale means saying hello to a new life.
So I will end this first entry how I am going to end every single entry for the next 358 days, by saying this simple and yet very true statement: Hello life!