I would like to start this post by saying thank you to all of you who have supported me and encouraged me though out my journey so far. Thank you for reaching out and giving me your beautiful words of strength and wisdom.
I don’t think today’s post will be very long because I am feeling practically every emotion that is physically possible to feel. From sadness to hurt to fear, I am feeling it all.
The hardest part and also scariest part about feeling these emotions is how I am going to deal with them. I only know how to deal with emotions in one way and that way is through my eating disorder .
For me to actually have to sit and face these emotions right in the face and actually feel them-feel how they affect my heart, body and spirit, is something that I am not sure I am ready to handle.
I know that one day soon I will be in a place of recovery where I can do that, but it is not today. On that note, I know that this is also an extremely important and vulnerable part of recovery . If I deal with these feelings of pain by reverting to my eating disorder , then I will never recover.
I made the painful decision this week to leave the life I had known for three years for the sake of my happiness and my recovery and I will not let Ed take that away from me.
He has already told me multiple times in the past few days that skipping a meal here or there will calm my sadness and ease my grief , and sometimes I even listened to him- but here I am, even after skipping breakfast this morning, and I still feel the same pain and hurt I felt when I woke up.
I am forcing myself to write about this and remind myself that eating again and getting my body strong is what gave me the strength to make the decision that I made this week. It is feeding my body that also allowed me to become connected to my family again and embrace their support instead of turn it away like I have in the past .
For today, all I can do is put one foot on front of the other. After the huge leap I took this week, simply putting one foot in front of the other seems like an o.k goal for the moment . And if i keep on this path to recovery and stick to the meal plan and continue to be true to myself, I know that when the time comes for me to take another leap, I will be ready .
No matter how drained, exhausted or hurt I may feel, I am doing this. I am doing recovery .
I am taking leaps and I am putting one foot in front of the other as I am walking down this road of recovery.
One foot at a time, one meal at a time and one leap at a time, I am becoming the strongest person I’ve ever met, and to that I can sincerely say, “hello life.”
10 thoughts on “Day 30: One Foot In Front Of The Other”
I’m sorry it’s a hard day today. As you said one foot in front of the other is all you could ask from yourself. You keep on keeping on!
I love you.
Thanks mom I love you too’
Keep trying! Be strong
Shira, One of the best lessons I have learned in life is the importance of exercise. When I’ve been worried, down. uneasy, or out of sync, a walk will calm me, clear my head and bring me comfort. My husband and I have been walking daily for the last 30 years and it has been the best investment we have made in our mental and physical health. Maybe it could smooth out some of the bumps in your road to recovery.
Thank you Judy! Exercise is definitely a part of recovery that I’m looking forward to when the time is right but even walking like you said is really good too I’m going to try to use that as a way to calm stress 😊thank you!
You can do this! Every step may seem small or insignificant at the time, but they all matter in the end. I’m proud of you for continuing on the path of recovery.
I love this video by the way thank you!
Shira, first off happy 1 month into your commitment, I know today may not seem like a victory for you but it is.You are taking drastic steps that you know you need to take and it usually gets harder before it gets easier. The answers will not always be right there for the taking but somehow, eventually they do come and everything falls into place. Stay strong,stick to the fundamentals and keep your head up. Proud of you!
aw thank you roey!!! this does feel like a huge victory for me. Thank you for being so amazingly supportive this past month and I always look forward to your comments. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!