I still remember the day I gave up my scale two years ago today. It was the most painful day of my life.
I didn’t know how I would make it without waking up each morning and knowing what number I was that day.
How would I know if I was good? How would I know if I was bad? How would I know anything if I didn’t have my number on the scale to tell me.
Today, I know that I am no longer defined by a number.
This is what I was defined by today: (a text message from my 11-year-old brother).
“Happy Hello Life Day!You taught me what never giving up means. You taught me what it means to set a goal and not let anything stop you from getting it. You are the center of my heart,” he wrote.
With that text message, I was reminded of why I started this journey-and that was to save myself from Ed so I can live in freedom and live knowing what it feels like to let someone else love me other than Ed.
I started it because I knew somewhere deep down, I deserved to wake up and not have to run to my scale-that I deserved to start my day not being predicted by what that scale read.
I started it so I could go to my family dinners. I started it so I could eat a piece of my own birthday cake. I started it because I knew I deserved to live.
Today, as I celebrate my own recovery and the strength it took to get me here, I think about the many people who are still fighting for that recovery-for the people who are laying down tonight trying to make tomorrow that day of change. You are not alone. Even if tomorrow is not that day, you are not alone.
When we suffer with an eating disorder, we often suffer in silence.
Through this blog, we have gotten loud. And that noise, has saved my life, and the lives of others.
To everyone who has stood by me these past two years-thank you is not enough. My recovery is not only mine-as I’ve always said, it’s the journey of this whole Hello Life community.
Today is about gratitude-gratitude for all the support I have.
Today is about compassion-compassion for those who are where I was two years ago.
Today is about appreciation-appreciation for those who are in a stronger place in their recovery than I am.
Today is about strength- strength to walk the path of self-love.
Today is about celebration for life-and being ready to continue on this journey.
There’s a hundred things I can list here that I want to say about today: but here’s the most important ones:
I am alive and I am free.
Happy second birthday Hello Life.