Month of Mindfulness Day 32: My all

Happy Friday and happy last day of month of mindfulness lifers,

Wow,  it’s crazy to be writing this final post of a month of a mindfulness today.

It’s weird because it’s almost the same surreal feeling I felt when one year without a scale came to an end, yet this time, it’s only been a month.

But this month has been by far, one of the most emotional, learning filled and challenging months of my entire journey.

When I first started this month of mindfulness, my goal was to spend an entire month being mindful of what I ate and how I exercised and how to stop emotionally overeating.

I really did think that’s what this whole journey was going to be about, that’s why I started it.

If you guys remember, I wrote my first post of a month of mindfulness to stop myself from going back told Ed ways.

I was so desperate to stop the overeating and to stop feeling uncomfortable in my new body, I was to the point that I was clearly considering both options : one, go back to Ed, or two, give it my all one more time.

And so I did. I gave it my all one more time.

But-this is what I learned.

Where at first I thought my all meant perfectly mindful clean eating and working out, and while a part of me still really wishes I could sit here right now and say that I did do that all month and I’m totally feeling comfortable in my body now (because the truth is ,that’s what I thought would happen), that’s not what this journey has been about.

My all has meant learning to be mindful of each day-and all the emotions that go with those days.

My all has meant realizing that a lot of sadness here doesn’t come from my  new body, but from being so alone and from missing my family and friends back home.

My all has meant yes, eating more mindfully, listening to my body and making better choices. But it’s also meant eating out with friends and letting myself enjoy that too.

It’s meant national donut day at work, it’s meant eating pie’s from the woman who makes pies at the local restaurant here, it’s meant cookies on Friday’s at the office and it’s meant enjoying a smoothie my co-worker bought for me on a late Wednesday night from the kindness of her heart.

My all has meant learning how to enjoy those not so perfectly mindful moments, yet acknowledging that me being able to enjoy them, even if I only enjoyed them in retrospect, is actually being mindful in of itself.

My all has meant crying my way through weekends here alone.

It’s meant forcing myself to stay here in Washington to follow my dream as a journalist even if other parts of my soul are suffering, because I know I worked so hard to be here and I know my writing is and will make a differnce. It’s what I’m meant to be doing right now.

My all has meant giving onto others. It’s meant appreciating the phone calls, emails and text messages from the people who care about me.

My all has meant appreciating with deep gratitude the smaller things like voice messages from my family.

My all has meant taking time, even if its only mere seconds each day, to try to be proud of myself and to try to be kind to myself.

My all has meant standing in front of the mirror after the shower and telling myself out loud “i love you. you are beautiful. you love you Shira.”

Mindfulness is simply the act of being aware. Aware of our surroundings, aware of what we feel and aware of who we are, what we are, and if we like it or don’t like it.

I can’t answer all those questions in a month, but I can say that I am brought back a certain kind of awareness to myself that I seem to have lost when I first moved here.

I am aware now that I am more than the emotional overeating I might do right now.

I am more than my body, I am more than my writing as a reporter and I am more than this new career and new home.

I am merely part of an unknown, windy, twisty, yet grand and rewarding journey that is so much bigger than me.

I started this month seeing day to day vision.

I am ending it seeing from my telescope vision.

We are not the products of our day to day ventures or successes . We are not the products of what we look like or even what we feel.

We are, will be and continue to be parts of a journey that we are somehow all connected through as human beings-the journey to self love.

We somehow all connect through this blog too.

Every one of the 600 people wearing a Hello Life bracelet around the world is connected here.

We are connected. We are bigger than ourselves. We are bigger than our individual struggles and we are more than the tears, pains and heartaches of life.

We are dashing.

We are superstars.

We are fighters.

And together, we fight on side by side, telescope by telescope, tear by tear and triumph by triumph into learning how to love ourselves the way we love others.

Thank you everyone for standing by me during this month of and of course before this month, and thank you for your unconditional love, support and strength.

My journey to learning to love myself is not over. With that being said, I will continue giving my all.

Hello life.

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11 thoughts on “Month of Mindfulness Day 32: My all

  1. Shirush, your blog is what I read before I go to sleep n it stays with me throughout the night n many days after. The content is tough but I have to say that I LOVE your writing… It’s enjoyable!!! Besides, you r so insightful that I KNOW you will continue this journey not only to beat ED but even more to continue growing… N I’m so blessed to be there with you along your way. Not only that you are a strong fighter, always was is n will be, you are sensitive amazing authentic person. You are a great sister and my “little” hero. Shirush, I’m with u all the way n thank you for all the support you are giving to ME. I love u shubi, keep on going, smiling n believing in yourself bec we all here belueve in you❤️❤️❤️

  2. You are accomplishing something huge by moving to a new place and leaving family and friends behind in order to learn your craft. It takes courage and commitment but you’re getting it done. Be kind to yourself and enjoy the rewards that come your way. It makes the journey more manageable and you are so deserving of treats, smoothies and anything thhat brings joy to your heart.

  3. Shira thank you for a month of mindfulness. It has kept me feeling close to you. You will prevail as you are a strong person with a goal. I give you so much credit for following your dream even though it’s taken you away from your family. We are always here for you. Keep fighting!😍

  4. Shira, that was so beautifully written and so moving. I’m so proud of you in so many ways! You are inspiring to so many, including me, and I am in awe of the wisdom and insight you have and thankful that you have continued to share it. I love you!

  5. I just read this, I love it! And I’lliss reading your blogs. You’ve realized so many valuable lessons in just one month, it’s inspiring, continue to find your happiness and embrace your beautiful self always..love and miss you!!

  6. What an inspiration! You have truly come such a long ways 🙂 And if you need anyone to talk to…ever…you can contact me through my blog. I know exactly what you’re going through and how lonely things can be during this process. For me, recovery was a scary process because I felt like nobody knew what I was dealing with. Don’t feel alone though, even through keyboard communication, you have a huge support group and tons of people who love and admire you! You are beautiful, girl! Let your light shine 🙂
    ~ Amy
    http://www.noanamovement.blogspot.com

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