Month of Mindfulness Day 31: Living and not existing

Hi everyone,

It’s crazy to think that tomorrow is the last day of our one month journey of a month of mindfulness together.

I plan on writing what this whole month has been like and has taught me but I kind of want to save that for my last post tomorrow.

For today:

I woke up and totally forgot I even had that amazing smoothie yesterday.

Which is a pretty incredible place to be.

At a time even a year ago, I would have woken up today only thinking about that smoothie and how to compensate for it. I would wake up still mad at myself for it.

But I wasn’t even mad at myself for it yesterday. I wasn’t mad about it today. I didn’t even think about it today until I saw the women at work who got it for me.

It symbolized a lot. That symbolized me being able to let go. It meant I was really able to live in the moment yesterday, enjoy the moment and then let it pass.

Being able to let moments, wether they are good or bad, sit with me and then leave me, has been a big part of me being mindful this month.

There have been many moments this month where I’ve cried, many moments where I’ve sat in silence that equates loneliness and many moments that I felt proud of myself and smiled.

There were moments that I fantasized about moving back home to LA. There were moments that I dreamt back on past times there.

There were moments where I imaged I would make it big here in Washington.

But because I had to write every day, I have been forced to be aware of these moments-every single one of them. And I’ve realized, now looking back, that I’ve been able to really let each one go after they’ve passed.

Today symbolized that.

I also wasn’t feeling well at work today. I was stressed (still am very stressed actually), and my body got weak.

It wasn’t a food issue, it was a mental issue. I felt weak the minute the stress hit me.

These are things I’ve learned to be mindful of this month.

On days like today ,I’ve learned I need to tap into my self-care part of my life a little bit extra.

I need some extra rest, some extra love, maybe some extra chocolate and some extra me time, which is exactly what I am going to do tonight.

Smoothie behind me, stress still with me and a big weekend with many social events ahead of me, I can say I kind of feel like I am starting to live life here.

It’s not perfect, and it’s not great, but it’s living rather than existing which is what I was feeling a month ago.

Hello to living and hello life.

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One thought on “Month of Mindfulness Day 31: Living and not existing

  1. Yeah!! Here’s to living and not just existing. Your blog really spoke to me tonight. Thanks for sharing those feelings :).

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