Month of Mindfulness Day 30: Amazing

Hi guys,

So it was around 8:30 p.m. at work tonight and there I was so super hungry. Don’t ask me why because I don’t know why. I ate like I normally do.

So by 9 p.m. I already had the two extra snacks I had in my purse and it was really not doing it for me. And I’ve learned over my recovery to trust my body when it’s speaking to me . Today it was saying it needed some extra deliciousness.

So around 9:05, ironically, this amazingly nice lady I work with came and put a smoothie on my desk.

I didn’t ask for it or anything, she just got me one when she went to get herself something.

It was the most pure and caring random act of kindness.

So right away two thoughts went through my head.

One was oh my God, what do I do with this thing? I can’t not eat it because she’ll feel bad, yet what do I do?! It’s totally off my meal plan. It’s from a fast food place. I don’t even know what’s in it.

My second thought was, oh my God, this looks so amazing. So amazing. And I so want this right now. (I actually think this was my first thought,but I don’t remember now). Anyways, so then I took a sip of it.

It was a raspberry smoothie from this fast-food chain here that we only have in Oregon and Washington and this smoothie is seasonal since we are also known in the Pacific Northwest for our amazing berries.

It was the most incredible, delicious, rich, yummy, amazing smoothie I ever had.

It tasted like a milkshake. And for me, a chocolate lover, to talk about a fruity dessert like this, means it was seriously on another level of greatness.

On my third sip I told myself I’d have no more, that it was enough.

And this was also when I went online to check how many calories it had.

Yes, it was a lot.  More of a milkshake type caloric value.

But as that smoothie was sitting there, now all the way out of my hands reach since I moved it there so it wouldn’t tempt me, I just thought, who cares Shira? It’s one smoothie. And, there are number of reasons I told myself I deserve this smoothie.

1. It was my first ever item from this fast-food chain known only here.

2. It was a seasonal thing which we are known for (raspberry smoothie and we are known for our berries) and it won’t be there forever.

3. Someone brought it for me, which is so rare and kind, so why wouldn’t I enjoy it?

4. It really was as delicious as I am saying it was and if something is that damn amazing, enjoy the thing-whatever thing it is.

It was way way out of calorie intake for the day, but really, since when does one smoothie and a few extra snacks ever change my body overnight? It doesn’t. And the healthy person in me knows that.

So, after running those reasons through my head at my desk (which although it maybe took a while for you to read, it only took me about 2 minutes in real life to think it though), I pulled that smoothie back over to me  and enjoyed it.

Every single ounce of it.

It felt so freeing. It even felt freeing to see the calories and not let it stop me.

I am now perfectly full just enough to be comfy, happy and satisfied.

My word of the day is amazing because that’s what this night was-not just the smoothie-but the entire experience.

This took a lot of mental work to get me to this place where I can walk myself through these rational ways of thinking that overpower Ed.

On nights like tonight where I can enjoy the result of my hard work, it really feels amazing. It makes it worth it.

I created this happy-i love smoothies at 9 pm at night because someone gave it to me-place.  I like this place. And I will re-visit it again hopefully sooner than later.

Hello life.

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2 thoughts on “Month of Mindfulness Day 30: Amazing

  1. Glad you were able to let yourself enjoy the experience (and the smoothie)! And at the same time have another victory over Ed! Way to go Shira! XO

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