Happy Sunday everyone,
Well guys, I went to a BBQ today. With really, caring and genuinely kind people who have shown me so much love since I’ve been here.
Linking back to what I said yesterday about physical connection, today was a big part of that.
It wasn’t my family or my brothers or sister or something like that, but it was a different kind of connection-it was a new and blossoming connection.
It’s different from the old and already built strong connections I have back home, but I am starting to really see that different might not be bad.
This is a chance to build something new from the ground up-just like my life here. While hard, something inside me continues to say it will be worth it.
SoI knew there would be food there and cake there (you guys know how much I love cake)and I knew no one would pressure me into anything.
When we fight for recovery every day, social gathering and social events are still always hard, no matter how long we’ve been in recovery for.
It’s still a major conscious decision we make to go to them. It’s a recovery choice we make day in and day out-event in and event out.
I made that choice today to go. And by doing so, yes, it put me around food, but it also put me around people-real people-not just me alone.
I am reminded today of the power that isolation and Ed have over us when we get to comfortable in it and the beauty and freedom we receive when we push ourselves to break the rules and go to these events where we are not isolated and alone with our own Ed thoughts.
It’s so scary to do, and so unknown of what we are walking into, but yet somehow someway, when we walk in, Ed is no longer the only person with us, and I think that can be a relief a lot of times.
And no one made me or even asked me about the birthday cake—that was all me, and it was all me because I simply love cake.
I always have loved cake. And it’s a birthday cake so it’s almost like I feel even more deserving of eating it because I really love birthdays.
So my word of the day is surroundings.
My surroundings today were so drastically different from yesterdays.
Yesterday I was alone and today I was not.
It reminds me that while our temporary day-to-day situations like loneliness can feel so permeant in the moment, they are not.
They change just like our surroundings change.
One day we are surrounded by one group of friends, the next we are not.
Some days we are surrounded with fun food and cake and others we’re not.
Surroundings come and go like our feelings, struggles, cries, tears and moments of happiness.
But if we happen to be able to enjoy a piece of cake while enjoying our surroundings, then I think it’s safe to call it a a pretty decent day.