So I started today by watching this documentary called Happy, and it basically just explored why the happiest people in the world are happy.
The one thing all the happy people around the world had in common was that they had a strong connection with family and friends. They were bonded.
At first, this made me really sad, because it made me feel like without my family and best friend here with me in Washington, how could I ever truly be happy?
I even turned my phone on silent for an hour and just sat on my couch and felt bad for myself.
But then something inside me told me to go get my phone, stop running from everything and be proactive. I was going to text someone or get on Facebook.
Right then, a close friend from the Hello Life Fighter support group texted me.
My brother who is in Israel called me.
My best friend called me and we talked for 3 hours (we usually never talk on the phone).
My sister called me.
My mom texted me.
Another Hello Life fighter messaged me on Facebook.
What was I thinking feeling bad for myself that I don’t have connections here? Yes, I might not have them right here beside me, but they are in my life-so much in my life.
I could continue to sit here sad since I am yet again alone on a Saturday night, or I can sit here and appreciate of what I do have and wow-do I have a lot.
I was surrounded with so much love and connection today that I’m so blessed and feel so lucky.
I don’t care that I ate ice cream today or that I didn’t go to the gym today, because that’s not what is really important.
If I let Ed win today, today would be a loss because of the food and non-working out. But if I let recovery win, which I am, today is beautiful.
Today is connection. It was family. It was love. Those things…those make up so much a bigger part of me than what I ate or what clothes look good on me do.
In times like this when I am struggling with my faith in why I am going through such a hard journey, days like these are crucial to celebrate and appreciate.
We are all connected. We are connected here through this blog. We are connected through our struggles. We are connected through our support.
I am have deep gratitude for whatever higher power blessed me with those connections today-with those phone calls, texts and messages.
So my word of the day is connection: While there’s nothing like physical human to human connection, and the warmth of hugs and kisses, maybe our spiritual and heartfelt connections only strengthen when we are away from those we love.
Also, the more I reach out and connect with others, the more I heal myself.
But most importantly, I think connection is kind of like faith. It’s not something we can see. And not always something we can feel or even believe to be true all the time.
Often times, even though I know I have these connections, I still feel alone.
But today, it was there. And I’m so grateful for it. It’s one of those things, like faith, when it does present itself, we just need to grab on and hold onto it for as long as we can.
We are deserving of connection. Regardless of what our Ed’s are telling us today-we are all deserving of someone loving us. And telling us they love us. And most of all, we all deserve to love ourselves.
I know how good it felt for people to connect with me today, and it makes me want to reach out and do the same for others. Maybe every day I can try to reach out to one person.Just an idea.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for everyone here being a part of what makes me feel so connected.
Together, we have, can and will continue conquer our way to self love.