Happy Friday-Eve guys,
Today, for the first time since I started this mindful journey, I ate something that I didn’t know the calories in it and I ate a dinner that I haven’t had in a while.
Actually-this is the second timeI did this. Last Sunday I had pizza with my friends and I didn’t know those calories facts either (well kind of but not exactly)-but this was different because I actually forced myself to do it.
I forced myself to break my habitual meals that I was starting to have everyday.
Breaking habits or food rules was one of the first big things I had to learn to do in recovery.
It was hard then and it’s hard now to keep doing. But I force myself to keep doing it so I continue to move forward and not get stuck in that rigid mindset again-or at least move forward in the best way I can.
For today, moving forward meant deviating from the typical dinner I’ve been having into something different and not as “known” to me.
What I am writing about today isn’t about the food-it’s about the fact that we always seem to go through lessons in life more than once. Or we go through the same experiences more than once.
I thought I already got past my “breaking food rules” and “rigid habits” phase in recovery. And for a while I did. And now here I am learning how to break those rules again.
It’s funny how life is a cycle like that and in a way, while at some points in my day today I was frustrated that I am re-walking steps I’ve already walked before, I am grateful.
I am grateful because this gives me a chance to walk these steps again with double the wisdom, double the tools and double the knowledge I had when I first walked them.
I always used to think that recovery had stages, and once those stages were done, they were done for good.
But life is not like that-it simply doesn’t just have stages that occur and then never pop up again-so why should recovery be?
I feel like I am going through steps in recovery that I went through at my very start all over again. But instead of looking at it as a step back, I look at it as a step forward.
I walk this stage of breaking rules again not as scared as I was before. And I trust myself more than I did before. And that’s a good feeling to have.
Maybe re-walking lessons and stages in life and in recovery is how things are meant to be.
Really, I don’t care if I re-walk the same stages or steps a hundred times as long as each time I come back stronger and more at peace with myself than the time before. And right now I am exactly that.