Happy Saturday guys,
OK, so today was my date with myself, and I have to say, that after I finally find an outfit and felt ready to leave the house (this kind of chaos happens before any date right?) I had the best date ever with myself.
Why? Because I didn’t judge myself.
I didn’t judge myself when I skipped the gym this morning to sleep, I didn’t judge myself when I changed clothes in the morning that I didn’t feel good in and I didn’t judge my new sizes.
I didn’t judge any of it.
I just shopped and picked only things and sizes I knew would work, and loved every moment of being there with just me.
And I wasn’t rushing through trying everything on like I normally do-that was the mindful part of today. I took my time.
I checked out to see how I really felt.
And if I felt good in something, I let myself have a minute to enjoy it. And the times that I didn’t feel good in something, I let myself take a minute to accept it, observe it and then move on from it.
And I had moments that consisted of both. But the not-so-good ones didn’t keep hold of me for too long and for that I am proud.
After I was done shopping I took a break to get pedicure in the mall. The nice expensive ones where they wrap your feet in weird stuff in plastic bags and you have no idea why but it just feels good.
I was sitting there thinking about the first time I went to the mall about a year ago when I just started recovery.
I needed some new clothes and I had planned with E how I would attack this mission.
I remember I gave myself a time limit and only let myself go to two stores and had to promise I wouldn’t try on my old size (even though I did). 1 hour time limit-that was it.
And I remember coming home and writing about that mall experience. I was so proud of myself for sticking to the time limit, getting what I needed and getting out.
To sit there today when I was getting my nails done and reflect back on how different this shopping experience was was really empowering.
This time around, yes, I might be shopping for way different sizes and it’s something I am still accepting, but I didn’t have to give myself a time limit. I didn’t have to give myself a store limit. And I wasn’t anxious about it.
I was able to walk into that mall and just take my time and enjoy myself.
I didn’t need a time limit or store limit because I trust myself now to treat myself well, try on right things for me and be more accepting of what I once was a year ago.
I’ve learned how to enjoy shopping again.
Today was more than just a date with myself, it was taking some time to see how far I’ve come.
No more time limits, no more store limits-now it’s taking the time to browse for what fits me right and for what makes me feel good.
I will definitely be taking myself on more dates.
And I also got my Starbucks frappuccino.