Happy Friday everyone,
Weekends have been the hardest parts of my week since moving to Washington because it’s the time that I spend the most time alone.
Loneliness can lead to sadness or to mindless eating or to just feeling lonely which in turn leaves me feeling sad and isolated.
So I was telling E about my weekends here tonight and how sad they can be when I am home alone. And then she pointed out a really good point–that just because I may be spending time with just myself on the weekends doesn’t mean I need so sit home alone all day.
I can go out.
I can do things I enjoy.
Being alone or being with myself (I think it sounds much better to say being with myself than being alone)doesn’t have to mean sitting in a house all day.
I used to love going shopping by myself when I loved in California.
I’ve loved shopping my whole life.
Of course it became a harder and emotionally tasking thing to do when I had to buy new clothes in recovery and even more so now when I need to buy even bigger clothes.
Up until last weekend when I went shopping with my best friend, I’ve stuck to buying new bigger clothes online so I don’t need to go and try on the whole store in person and let Ed drive me crazy.
And for the time being, it worked because it was safe and I need safe right now in such a new environment.
But truth be told, I really loved shopping last weekend.
So my sizes were bigger and that was a hard adjustment, but in the end, I came out feeling like a rock star with my new outfits and those outfits really gave me a big confidence boost this week.
3 out of the 4 days I got dressed for work I had clothes that weren’t skin tight. They fit. And they were new and I had nothing to compare them to. It was amazing.
And I think we are all deserving of doing things that make us happy and that gives us any kind of emotional boost.
So, tomorrow, I am taking myself on another shopping date.
I might not even buy anything (well, ok, I will but maybe not as much as last weekend). But I am going.
I am going to the biggest mall we have nearby (it’s a heaven, it has every store) and I am just going to enjoy being there and taking my time looking at things, checking out the drive and just seeing what I find. And get myself a nice Starbucks frappuccino to walk around with when I shop.
It will be my first Saturday in Washington that I actually go and do something fun with myself. Just me and me.
I am going to wake up, put on one of my new cute outfits from last weekend and go take myself out on a Saturday date.
In a time where a lot of the things that I used in my recovery to once make me happy are not right in front of me anymore like my family, my brothers, my best friend or even my house that I lived in with my grandma-it’s time I made some mindful choices to do things that make me happy again.
And shopping always makes me happy.
Even if it means stepping outside the comfort zone and facing new sizes, and even facing being alone in a new mall-for the sake of shopping, those are things I can handle.
Hello to my first weekend in Washington doing something fun with myself and hello life.