Happy Monday everyone,
It’s been almost one month now since the end of our one year without a scale together, and I want to start off by saying thank you to everyone’s beautiful emails, comments and messages throughout this past month.
I said that I would continue to do a monthly update after our one year journey together had ended, and I will continue to do so.
I am not sure for how long my monthly updates will go on for, but being that I am trying to live in the gray and not the definite and rigid world of the black and white, I think we will just keep that open ended for now.
Part of my biggest adjustment to living in recovery after the blog was over was learning how to continue on in my recovery without writing about it every day.
I had a friend who is a recovering alcoholic message me the day before I reached my one year mark without a scale and he said, “Shira, when the one year is over and all the fireworks go away, don’t look back. Keep going.”
When he said that, I remember thinking to myself, “Well of course I will keep going…duh.”
But now, I understand what he meant.
When there was no more blog to write about my daily accomplishments or challenges, when there weren’t as many encouraging comments or e-mails, when there were no more fireworks every time I reached a milestone, that is when recovery entered a new stage for me, and that’s the stage I am currently in.
I actually like this stage of recovery because it has given me the freedom to live in recovery but because I am not writing about it every day, it has let me enter a new journey; a journey of starting my career and finding out who I am without my blog.
At the same token, this stage is a challenging one, just like any other stage in recovery, or life.
When all those fireworks are gone, there is just me, my new healthy body, my new challenges, and my new victories.
Learning how to walk through the challenges and embrace the victories with only myself and not the rest of the 600 people who read this, was an adjustment, but it’s one that I am learning to embrace more and more each day.
I remember the first time I overcame an Ed challenge after this blog was over.
I was sitting in my bed and I decided to not go to the gym that day simply just because I was tired. I wasn’t sick, I didn’t have plans, and I didn’t have an excuse; I was just tired.
I remember having that initial urge to come and write about it to you all, but then I realized that wasn’t the journey I was on anymore.
At first, I almost felt lonely. It was just me and myself celebrating our victory against Ed by ourselves.
But then, I felt proud of myself.
There I was, able to stand up to Ed and make a healthy decision in my recovery just for me-no one else and with no one else knowing about it.
In that moment, I remember realizing how far I had come.
So I sit here today with big news to share with you all.
Remember the many and numerous blog posts that I wrote about not finding a job and no one wanting me? Remember the many many posts where I cried about feeling rejected? Remember the post where I referred to myself as the little cat stranded in the box on the street that no one wanted?
Well, I am so proud and beyond happy to say that cat now has a job.
My dream job, guys.
On March 1, I will leave to make my way to my new home where I will be the newest reporter of a big local newspaper in Washington.
For purposes of the company privacy and those kinds of things. I can’t say the name of the paper, but the point is, I am going to be living my dream.
I interviewed at many places and even flew to South Dakota this week for another potential job, but I know that Washington is the place for me because I connected with the people there.
Even from this blog, if there is one thing I know, it’s that connection with others is crucial not only in my recovery but in my life.
I will be moving states (right now I live in California) and I will be starting my career as a journalist.
My recovery is coming with me and we are going on this journey together.
Of course, Ed will be there too, as I know that no matter how strong in my recovery I get, Ed will always be a part of me.
But this time, he won’t walk in with me on my first day at my new job. And he certainly did not walk in with me on my dinner with my editor and lunch with other reporters during my interview for that job. And he was also not there when I celebrated me getting that job with my mom with the best chocolate cake and strawberry short cake I ever had.
My life is about to change.
My location is changing, my house will change, my job will change, and the company I keep around me will change.
But there is one thing that is not changing and that is my recovery.
Moving away and on my own could be Ed’s greatest wish to get me back to him, or it could be my chance to show myself how far I’ve come and how much I deserve to live this life in recovery and pursue my dream as a journalist; and that’s the route I am taking.
Here’s the recovery plan for my new move:
-Skype sessions with E
-Skype meals with E
-Finding a support group by me
-Finding a therapist and nutritionist by me via E’s recommendations
-Staying active and involved in the Hello Life Fighter Support Group
-Stay true to myself.
I am not afraid to start this new journey of starting my career. Every ounce of me feels that I am ready in my recovery to do it.
I wanted to write this first update because this week is the week that I start finding apartments for myself in my new home and getting serious about relocating my life and I know that the support from you guys will bring me encouragement and strength when these changes become overwhelming.
I would also like to say that the Hello Life bracelets are still available and if anyone would like to join the Hello Life Fighter Support Group that is still available too, just let me know so I can add you. I can say for myself, that the fighters in that group have forever changed my life and have brought me more strength than I could ever have imagined.
Before I end this first update I want to say one very last important piece of information about my new journey in Washington.
There will be no scale in my new apartment.