Happy Friday everyone,
So I ate a hamburger for lunch today. With fries and with ketchup.
I was full all day after it.
I didn’t work out today because I wanted to get my hair done instead before I left to come visit my mom in San Diego.
I didn’t measure the dressing on my salad tonight at dinner.
I didn’t blot the oil off my pizza that I had at dinner either. I didn’t even take off the pepperoni.
I ate pizza even after I ate a hamburger for lunch. A hamburger that I ate because my family I was with wanted to go to this restaurant, and I didn’t want Ed to get in the way of that.
And until Ed set in later, I will say that the hamburger was pretty good. My pizza was good. My dressing was good.
However, Ed is not good and he’s not letting me off the hook easily tonight.
But I can tolerate Ed because I am proud of my small victories today.
It’s not about the food, it’s about not letting Ed dominate and control my life and I didn’t let him tell me to choose food that only he approved of.
I chose food everyone around me wanted.
Making that choice might be small but it counts.
Eating ketchup still counts.
Not dabbing the oil off my pizza still counts.
Not changing restaurants from what my family wants to something Ed wants still counts.
Even though I only have 4 days left of this one year journey, these small challenges are not that much easier .
But at the same token, they are also not less accounted for just because it’s almost been a year that I’ve been in recovery.
These small victories still count, even though part of me feels like I should be at the place where these challenges should be normalcies.
Where ketchup should be normal; where a hamburger and unmeasured dressing should be normal.
But they’re not normal yet and that’s ok because as long as I can still celebrate them I am still winning.
Today I celebrate my challenges that turned into victories.
I celebrate the small victories that still count.
We don’t get to pick when our challenges become things that are no longer hard for us.
But we can pick to celebrate being a victor of those challenges while they continue to choose to present themselves.
As long as my challenges are still here, I will celebrate my victories from them.
And as long as I can do that, I know I’ll be ok. Maybe even better than ok.