Happy Friday Eve everyone,
It is a little bit crazy and bitter sweet to think that this is our last official Friday Eve post together.
With that being said, today’s post is probably one of the most meaningful ones I have ever written.
When I was locked in my eating disorder, every Thursday night I would go to dinner with my grandma. (This was before I live with her like I now do.)
Thursday nights were our night to be together.
And every Thursday, we would go to the very same restaurant where I would get the very same salad of lettuce, carrots and cucumbers, and no dressing. It was crucial that Thursdays were Ed’s days because Friday’s were a major judgement day for my weigh ins.
On day 18 of this blog, I wrote about how on the night before that day, the second Thursday of this one year journey, I decided to take my Thursday night’s back from Ed.
That day, day 17 of this journey, I told my grandma that we could go to a new restaurant for our Thursday night dinner. We went to a fish house that she liked, that I liked and that my cousin liked who was going with us that night.
I remember writing that post like I wrote it yesterday because I remember sitting on my bed crying tears of victory and joy as I wrote it.
I felt like I could fly. It’s similar to how I am feeling right now too.
Tonight, the very last Thursday of this one year journey, my grandma had planned to go to dinner with my aunt, uncle, cousins and us to that very same fish restaurant.
When she asked me if I wanted to go, I almost couldn’t believe it. I didn’t even realize the irony in the entire thing until a few hours later.
I could have not gone tonight. I was tutoring late and I could have said no and everyone would have understood.
But for some reason, eating at home tonight alone with Ed, even though it would be a more comfortable meal for me, especially on a day that I only worked out for about 15 minutes, just didn’t seem as appealing to me as it once was.
What once would seem like a perfect night for me at home alone with me and my Ed food, no longer seemed like a fun night tonight.
So I cut my tutoring ten minutes short so I could make it to this dinner on time.
I was starving when I got there. I don’t know why, but it was just one of those days where you just have to listen to your body–even if it’s hungry all the time.
Luckily for me, the waiter brought out a fresh loaf of bread and butter right as I sat down, and he even messed up my order.
The two side orders I got were wrong. So instead, I got the two wrong side orders and the two right ones a few minutes later.
And I enjoyed all four of them, including my main meal and my bread and butter.
I even got a ketchup stain on my jacket. A ketchup stain, guys—ketchup was something I didn’t eat for years when I was locked in Ed,and now it has stained my jacket.
If it doesn’t come out, I will proudly wear that jacket anyway because of what it symbolizes.
I remember sitting at the table tonight, feeling nice and full, and thinking to myself how this journey has truly come full circle.
343 days ago I sat at that restaurant with the same people, and I remember the one bite of bread that I had. I even remember the butter I put on it.
It was unlike anything I ever remember tasting.
And now, I sat there tonight, choosing to be present and choosing to honor my family, but this time around, 343 days later, I was so much more free than I was the last time.
In that post on day 18 , which I titled “A Victorious Thursday,” I wrote, “Eating at a new restaurant may sound silly to some people, but for me, it was symbolic of telling Ed that he will no longer get in the way of my relationships with those who I love and care about in my life.”
Here I am on day 360, and I whole heartedly can say, that I’ve proved that line to be true.
From my second Thursday of this one year journey starting at this restaurant with me trying a bite of bread, to my very last Thursday of this journey ending at this restaurant with a ketchup stain on my jacket and a few pieces of bread and my four sides later, I can truly say that this journey has come full circle.
I called it from Day 18 ,Ed–you won’t get in the way of my life anymore.
I was right.