Day 342: Mom, I Need New Jeans…Again

Hello everyone,

So I was getting ready this morning to go to that basketball game that I’m at right now (I’m still sick but this still counts as a staycation because it’s fun right?) and I pulled out a pair of pants I bought for myself about two months into recovery.

At the time, I got this pair and another pair of pants. And I actually didn’t think I would have to buy another pair-ever again.

Two months in recovery means my body is done changing, right?

Well, apparently not.

When these jeans fit tighter today, my first instinct was that they are tight because I didn’t work out in almost a week now plus the holiday food fun I’ve been having.

But then I realized, I got these in the very beginning of my recovery.

Who said they will always fit how they fit at the beginning of my body getting healthy again?

I could spend my energy bad talking my body with Ed like I did for the first half of my day, or I could have a reality check moment and recognize that I am not in control of how my body changes.

If it changed since my fist two months of recovery, which being almost at my year mark makes sense, then I guess I need to honor that right?

Ed says no, but really, what does Ed know now a days anyway?

So I guess my point is, mom, I need new jeans…again.

Thank you in advance.

Hello life.

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3 thoughts on “Day 342: Mom, I Need New Jeans…Again

  1. One thing I noticed, once I got to the weight my nutritionist wants me to be at, is the jeans that I have fit differently even though I can still put them on. I mean, obviously I had to get rid of my smaller jeans. I was trying to figure it out instead of just jumping to the idea that it is because I am “fat” and realized that I was off the scale low on the body fat percentage so obviously the fit I had before was based on skin and bones and now I have a figure again, as much as I hate it. Regardless of size, I had to go back to the style of jeans for women with hips, instead of the skinny jeans that just hung off my hip bones.

  2. I just recently had to go through all of my “sick” clothes as well. I knew Ed would tempt me to try them on and shame myself for recovering, so instead my husband and I decided to go ahead and donate the ones that we knew didn’t fit any longer. It felt good to be able to give away new clothes to people who might not otherwise be able to afford them. I have also been wearing a lot of stretchy pants in the meantime. But when Ed starts to get louder in my head, I make myself look in one of the mirrors in my living room and smile at myself, reminding myself that what I am doing, I am doing for me, and for anyone that might look up to me, like my little sister.

    Your story is so raw and inspiring. Each day I read a few entries about your early recovery journey and each night I feel a little more free from Ed. Thank you for all that you have shared and for the openness you continue to exude to all of us that hope to follow in your footsteps.

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