Merry Christmas everyone,
Quick update: The first recovery fighter support group email will go out on Friday, so anyone who still wants to be a part of it, please use the contact me form and let me know. We have a great group of some very strong fighters so far and I am very excited for it.
It was only yesterday in my therapy session with E that I was telling her that I hoped I would get sick so I would have a valid reason for myself to not workout.
I was tired, and my body was tired, and I just wanted to take some days off, but being in the place I am with Ed and with Christmas being here with all the food, I couldn’t find it within myself to do it.
When I was locked in my eating disorder, I would workout even when I was sick-but in recovery, this is not something I allow myself to do.
Well, in the true way that the law of attraction works, I woke up this morning sick. I have such a sore throat I can barley swallow.
At first, when this gave me permission to cancel my running plans with my friend, I was kind of relieved. And then Ed woke up too and the madness began.
“You’re sick, so you don’t have an appetite to eat today, right Shira?” he was saying.
“You’re sick, so you can’t go to all the lunches and dinners you had planned for Christmas today, right Shira?”
Uh…wrong Ed. Very wrong.
I tried to listen to Ed, it’s not something I am happy about. But I did try.
But I sit here now, one lunch and one dessert session later, and two more dinners ahead of me (which doesn’t mean I have to eat at all of them but nonetheless they are there), and I can honestly say Ed was wrong.
I still totally had my appetite. And I ate. And ate.
And ate desserts too.
Delicious amazing deserts.
And I will probably eat more desserts today.
Do I wish that I could take days off from working out without needing an excuse of being sick? Yes, very much so. But at the same time, I don’t blame myself for not being at that point yet.
So I think this was the universe’s way of giving me a day off, or possibly a few days off.
And maybe I deserve that.
I am sick, so I can’t workout. Go me.
It doesn’t mean I don’t need to have my appetite, even if Ed wants that to be true.
How could I not have an appetite with all this yummy Christmas food in front of me today and yesterday? How can I not have an appetite to eat the desserts that I handpicked myself to bring?
Having a sore throat doesn’t affect that.
Oh, and may I add, that I tried ham for the very first time yesterday.
Oh my God. Wow. I will never go 23 years again without it.
So with that being said, and with sitting here now feeling sick with my sore throat because I pretty much asked for it, and yet still ate what I wanted today anyway and didn’t workout, I only have one thing to say:
It’s the holidays, Ed.
People enjoy the holidays.
People take days off from working out even if they are not sick, and they don’t need to hope to get sick to do so.
People eat when they are sick too, because they like the food in front of them and it’s social component.
It’s the holidays.
Holidays is a word you don’t know, dear Ed, but that’s ok because I will teach you.
Now it’s time for you to watch and learn how people enjoy the holidays without you calling the shots.
And if my clothes start to fit a bit tighter in the mean time of me teaching you, oh well.
If I gain a few pounds that I’ll never be able to see since there is no more scale, then oh well.
It’s the holidays, Ed. Watch and learn how we in the recovery world celebrate.
Hello to my first holiday season in recovery, hello to any other fighter’s first holiday season in recovery, and hello to all of us teaching our Ed’s how we celebrate.
And last but most definitely not least, hello life.