Well, I guess it’s safe to say that we don’t choose when we have bad or good days, right?
I didn’t want or choose for today to not be the greatest day, but so far it hasn’t been.
Do I wish that the day after I celebrated one month left of this journey was a good day ? Yes.
Do I wish that these bad days stopped popping up so randomly? Yes.
And when I say bad day, I don’t mean not eating . At this point in my recovery, eating on my meal plan (at minimum) is just a daily thing like brushing my teeth.
Today, I am talking about the way I feel about my body.
I am uncomfortable in my own skin today.
This entire week has been a battle of being uncomfortable with the fact that I still don’t have a job and it’s caused me to really look at how I define myself and now it’s returned full circle to the battle of being physically and mentally uncomfortable in my own skin.
I can’t choose my bad days, but I know that I can choose my reaction.
To sit here and write that I am going to just smile and move on like I am OK today would be a lie and it wouldn’t be realistic right now.
While on some bad days I can do that, today is not one of them.
But what I can do and will do is accept what is.
I can try to fight this feeling and make myself feel guilty about having a bad day, and feel guilty about all the body checks I did today and feel guilty about the complaining about my body that I’ve done to my sister today.
Things happen. Days happen. And bad days happen even after good days.
There are a lot of things about recovery that have nothing to do with our bodies, but then there are days or moments where the harsh reality that my body is changing and clothes are fitting differently are elements that I can’t avoid.
So, today is one of those days.
I might not smile and be the happiest of people today, but I will get through it.
I think getting through is sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves, especially on our bad days that we don’t choose to have.
Here’s to getting through until tomorrow.