Day 313: 90% A Victor

Hi everyone,

As you know, I am in Las Vegas for the weekend.

Although I’ve been here many times already, and I’ve seen every hotel and every shop, I decided that today I wanted to go walk around and look at them yet again.

Everyone else in my family didn’t want to see the same 100000 shops for the 100000th time again,totally understandable, so it was an adventure I took with myself, and I am so glad I did.

In short, this is what my shopping trip looked like:

-Walked to the hotel that all the amazing shops are at, a perfecto conquincidence that it’s the same hotel that has an entire restaurant devoted to chocolate

-Stopped and bought myself a chocolate truffle from that restaurant

-Ate the amazing truffle in peace.

-Went shopping and only tried on some very cute lose “recovery style” shirts and another pair of jeggings (leggings that look like jeans. You can’t have enough of those in recovery, right?)

And then after I was done shopping and I was half way mid walk back to my hotel,I hit my first Ed dilemma of the day. I had about a half mile left to walk to reach my hotel, but my back hurt and I was tired.

It just so happened that the hotel I was at had a tram that was going back to my hotel. I can’t even begin to write down all the reasons why Ed told me I should continue walking instead of take the tram.

“You know you want to eat some chocolate and get Starbucks later, keep walking,” he said.

“You already had that chocolate truffle Shira, keep walking,” he said.

“You had a big breakfast, keep walking,” he said.

The list could go on and on.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t listening to Ed, because I was, it was hard not to.

But somehow, I ended up plopping myself down inside the tram. I feel like sometimes I am able to just do the right thing even when my mind is telling me not to, like I am on autopilot.

My mind told me to keep going, but my feet took me to the tram. Actually, it’s more like Ed told me to keep going, but I guess I took myself to that tram.

Anyway, a tram ride, a Starbucks frappucino later and some more chocolate later, I sit here feeling like the victor for today, not a victim of Ed.

I wasn’t the victor 100% of the time. For example, trying on clothes was still hard. Ed was still there. New sizes were still hard to accept. The fact that I walked a lot today is still in my mind.

But, I was the victor 90% of the time–and I’m good with that.

Some days I am only the victor 10% of the time; but I remember the days where I was never the victor and only Ed’s victim. And to be in a place where I am the victor now, wether it’s 10%, 50% or 90%, is a place I am grateful to be.

So hello new jeggings, hello to my chocolate from the chocolate restaurant, hello to sitting on that tram, and hello life.

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2 thoughts on “Day 313: 90% A Victor

  1. Finding your blog was what gave me the push to finally rid myself of the scale. I’m 34 days without stepping on the dreaded thing, and let me tell you this… I have no desire to weigh myself ever again. Ever. Defining ourselves by a number is like defining ourselves by our cell phone, or desk lamp. How silly is that?! So why on Earth would it make sense to define ourselves by our relationship with gravity!

    I am working on introducing all foods into my life. No more “good: or “bad” food. Food doesn’t make me a “good” or “bad” person. I’m getting somewhere and your posts are helping! I’m having new meals, snacks, and being more mindful than ever. I want to start eating sweets more, I missed them! My next big schtick is the Christmas holidays. I want my Christmas this year. Last year was ED’s Christmas, where I was too sick to get out of bed most days. This year is mine though, ours really… It’s all of ours! Recovery warriors. My mother and I check in on your blog every day. We are both rooting for you. Keep it up, you’re an inspiration.

    Oh, and HAVE FUN IN VEGAS!

    Love,
    Heath and Mama xoxo

    • Heather,

      I literally read this comment 5 times before finding the right words to say. First off, you are such a warrior! 34 days without a scale is amazing, inspiring and so brave and incredible. It’s such a new concept in the beginning and you made it past a whole month already. I am smiling from ear to ear reading over what you said how you never want to step on that dreaded thing again-so agreed!!! And you are so right that we are not a number–it’s only our bodies. Our hearts, souls and inner beings are what define us. I don’t know you well or met you, but from this comment and from the beautiful things you said, I know your soul is a beautiful one, as well as your mom. Thank you both for being a part of this journey-our journey, like you said.

      Christmas is bound to be yours this year! It already belongs to you! The scale no longer owns it, and now you know how much you deserve this Christmas. In less than a month, we’ll get the official chance to take back Christmas from our Ed’s-in whatever way that may be. It don’t have to be perfect, but I like to think that as long as we have moments of freedom, then we already are the winners.

      Again, this comment lightened my whole night, and on a night when I really needed some extra joy and inspiration. To day 35 of no scale, and to the rest of your life and mine, and the rest of the recovery warriors..go us <3333

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