Day 310: …Then So Be It

Hi guys,

I got out of the shower today and got dressed only to find that it was really difficult to put my pants on.

I don’t  know if it was because I just got out of the shower, or because the jeans got out of the dryer, or maybe because they shrunk or maybe because I got bigger, or maybe because my perception is off and they really did fit the same, because there is a good possibility of that–but nonetheless, it was a hard situation to get through.

It’s a situation I never had to experience when I was locked in Ed and the more often it happens, it never stops to have its impact on me.

Sometimes it’s easier and sometimes like today, it’s a little bit more difficult to handle, especially when you do what I did and try to figure out all the reasons why these pants or jeans were so hard to get on.

I was feeling discouraged and not in the greatest place, and then I saw this picture on Pinterest and it made me laugh at Ed.

skinny jeans


Assuming that this was posted by someone who does not have an eating disorder, it made me laugh for two reasons: number one, because assuming the person who posted this doesn’t have an eating disorder, it just made me realize that I am not the only one who has a hard time fitting in my my pants. While mine were not skinny jeans, it’s the same idea.

Secondly, this was so exactly me this morning. And so think of myself jumping around like a bunny, (let’s totally not include the twerk because I have no clue how to do that) and I was definitly practically lunging into my pants, I thought it was pretty funny.

I was able to take what could have been a really Ed dominated situation, and change my perspective on it and laugh at it instead.

Whoever posted this picture, has been in the shoes I was at in this morning and I am sure many of you reading this have to0.

So, so what if we have to jump around like a bunny, maybe break some belt loops or lung a few times when we get dressed?

I am not saying to squeeze into our sick clothes, because that is so far from what I believe in, as these pants are new and for my healthier new size–I am saying that if there are times that are difficult, like for me today when  I got dressed, if we could sometimes find laughter as a remedy, I think it helps.

If we need to jump, lunge, dance, or even throw the damn pants away, then so be it.

If we need to laugh, cry, smile or be sad to make it through a hard situation, then so be it.

If we need to spend time looking for inspirational pictures on Pinterest to lift our spirits, then so be it.

If we need to name our eating disorders and talk to them like they’re a person and show them whose in charge, then so be it.

Whatever it is we need to do to become the strongest and most hopeful and healthiest versions of ourselves, then so be it.

So to my dear Ed- if you’re going to try to tell me that it was hard to fit into these new pants because I am wrong for what I ate or any other lies you’re telling me, that’s just fine, then so be it.

I happen to think they just came out of the dryer and it’s as simple as that.

And if I have keep telling myself that line over and over until I really believe it, then so be it.

Hello life.


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