Day 307: Sorry That I’m Not Sorry

Hi guys,

I was helping my aunt cook today for the upcoming holidays this week, one of which will be Hanukkah. I am Jewish, so while I’m not big on religion, Hanukkah is more of cultural and family event that happens every year, and it’s always, always, always surrounded by lots of fried and delicous yet not Ed approved food.

The main food you eat is potato latkas, which are basically fried potatoes, pretty much like hash browns. So that was all my aunt and I made today–over 100 of those potato latkas.

Not only did I try the first one we made, I tried the second one, I tried probably the 20th one, the 30th one all the super crispy fried pieces that broke off in the frying pan while cooking, and a lunch in between, and then later on tried some more.

I later came home and had pizza for dinner with bread (ah..carb overload) and then realized that over the past few days, I pretty much ate an entire loaf of bread to myself.

I would be lying to you if I said there wasn’t a slight mini freak out moment of anxiety after I realized that fact about the loaf of bread-post eating fried potatoes all day and post eating pizza and bread for dinner (not to mention all my chocolate from yesterday).

Ed wanted me to be sorry.

He still does want me to be sorry.

But honestly, can’t I just have a few days where I eat whatever it is I want–chocolate, fried potatoes, an entire loaf of bread? Don’t people deserve that sometimes?

And also, aren’t I entitled to eat the food I worked so hard to cook today?

Even though I might not be happy with the idea of it all and I might be thinking about how much weight I’ve gained from this, especially with Thanksgiving coming up this week,  I am not sorry.

So Ed, I am sorry that I’m not sorry.

You know Ed? It’s the holidays…a time where people eat…and actually enjoy it…and somehow, they all move past it and don’t blow up like a huge balloon like you are trying to make me think I will.

You’re really just not that credible of a source anymore.

Again, sorry that I’m not sorry for what I ate today and these past few days, and sorry in advance for not being sorry about the food I’ll eat this week.

I see that Ed is not going to cut me any slack, so I’m going to have to work extra hard this week to be extra kind to myself.

It won’t be easy and I know I won’t succeed every minute of the day, but I will try.

It’s funny how the holiday season is about giving to others, but we so often forget to give to ourselves.

How amazing would it be if we could all give ourselves and others the gift of kindness this year?

One person who is for sure not on my gift list is Ed–and I’m not sorry for that either.

Hello life.

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2 thoughts on “Day 307: Sorry That I’m Not Sorry

  1. Thank you for this. I’ve been concerned about Thursday and the rest of the holiday season and trying, with my therapist, to make a plan for myself. You’re words have helped with my plan.

    • Thank you so much for this comment, Holly! It makes me feel so good to know my words could help someone else . Your words have definitely helped me, thank you . I hope your Thanksgiving is as peaceful and calm as possible 🙂

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