Before I begin today’s post, I just want to address something that I’ve gotten a lot of emails about (if I haven’t answered yours yet I promise to answer tonight or tomorrow) and a few comments about lately.
There have been a lot of people e-mailing and asking about what is going to happen after we reach the one year mark of this blog.
While I do not plan to continue to blog daily after this journey does come to a close, (and a new one will begin), I want everyone to know that this blog will remain active- meaning the blog will still be available online, anyone will still be able to comment or contact me, and I will send updates (not sure how often yet) to let everyone know how I am doing in terms of recovery because I would never want anyone to think that because I no longer blog, it means I went back to Ed.
Another blogger and fighter gave me the idea of making a page explaing what will happen after we reach our one year mark and I really love that idea.
So I will make a page about it in more details once the blog is a little more towards it’s one year end and once I figure out the little things like how often I will update, etc.
I also would like to put a poll up soon asking you all about what to do with my scale once the year ends.
Even if I will no longer be blogging every day, I for sure will never go back to my scale.
However, E (my therapist) does have my scale and I feel like I need to do something with it. I am not sure if I want to bury it, smash it, or have some kind of ceremony for it, so I am going to let all of us vote and decide.
I think the poll is a good way to do that, but if anyone else has any other ideas of getting everyone’s opinion please let me know.
So about today:
Today I gave a presentation in my class that was worth 50 percent of my grade and it went along with an entire research paper. I chose to present about the negative impact that media has on children’s body image (I know, no surprise that I chose this topic).
As I was doing my research, all the studies showed how so many kids at such a young age are starting to feel insignificant and worthless because they think that they don’t look like the people they see in the media.
It broke my heart to not only think about us as adults who are struggling with eating disorders, but to think of the small kids who I was presenting about who research showed were dieting and exercising trying to look like these airbrushed celebrities.
I wished I could go and find all of them and hug them and tell them they are just exactly right the way they are. I don’t want to use the word “perfect” because I no longer believe in perfection.
But knowing how horrible it feels to compare myself to others around me during my eating disorder and even now, it made me so sad to think of kids doing the same thing.
But this was a crush for Ed. Stupid stupid Ed.
Ed’s all around the world are born from these kinds of thoughts. The thoughts of “I don’t look good enough, or I am not enough.”
It devastates me to know that kids are having these thoughts too.
I used to have these thoughts as a child also so I know how it feels. I don’t think there’s a solution really to any of this other than spreading awareness–and I don’t mean awareness about the media or about eating disorders-but about loving ourselves.
When will it be acceptable to love ourselves just the way we are?
I am 302 days into my journey of figuring that out, and I still have a while to go.
I guess all we can do in the mean time is keep trying to fit all the pieces of self acceptance together into the crazy puzzle that we call life.
Hello to another day of figuring it all out and hello life.