So I said that yesterday that the odds were in my favor that today would be a good day.
While today wasn’t necessarily a good day, it was 100% a better day.
There would have been a point where only a “better day” was not good enough for me, and I would have strived and wished and desired for more.
But I have come to learn to be accepting of things in recovery and in life, just the way they are.
So if better is what I get today, then better it is.
Yes, it would be nice if it was good or great day or one of those days where I am just in love with recovery, but for now, better is what I am going to be accepting of and grateful for.
In all honestly, better is better than having another bad day, right? (Hopefully that made sense).
Today was better for pretty much one reason only and it had nothing to do with how I feel about my body or food, because that is kind of at the same status that it was yesterday.
That reason is that today was better is because I was able to be of service today and to make someone else happy. When I do that, it helps all those terrible things that Ed tells me about myself slightly lessen because it reminds me that my self worth is based on my physical being, but based on my inner soul.
Today, I was able to give the 2nd grade boy I tutor a certificate for completing his reading comprehension workbook that he’s been working on with me for months.
He was so happy that it was officially signed and dated and he felt so accomplished that he went and he taped it up on his bedroom door and yelled for his mom to come see it.
To know that I was a part of making that boy’s day that much brighter, reminded me that I am not this undisciplined and worthless person that Ed tells me I am because the way my body looks isn’t what I’m loving right now.
It reminded me, that to this kid at least, I was worth enough that signing this piece of paper made him feel validated and proud of himself.
So if this is what a better day looks like, then actually, I don’t even need good day at the moment.
Imaging him smiling as he taped that certificate on his wall, not caring at all about what I looked like, but only caring about the fact that I, his smart tutor who he respects, acknowledged his hard work and therefore made him so happy, makes this better day pretty damn close to good.