Day 268: My Two Worlds Coming Together

Hi everyone,

A few weeks ago I wrote about how I was working on a big story for my university newspaper, and that I was getting so involved in writing it, that it made my recovery very difficult.

I was having a hard time between letting the writing of that story become a distraction from eating and between making it a motivator for me to eat so I can keep my mind clear and focused.

I made the hard choice to use that experience as a challenge in recovery, and I did use it as a lesson in learning how to still nourish myself and eat on the meal plan, even during times of chaos and busyness , because that is bound to happen often times in life and it’s something I want and need to get comfortable with.

Well, I could not have been more proud that I chose to stay dedicated to eating and keeping my mind clear during writing that story, because today that story ran on the front page of the newspaper and had a 4 page spread as well as getting over 50 Facebook shares in just one day.

It was incredible.

Had I not made the choice to eat during the writing of that story, there is no way it could have been as beautifully written as it turned out to be, so for that, I am grateful for my recovery.

A lot of times I get conflicted because I feel like I am two different people.

One part of me is the part you see me on this blog; a girl in recovery who  I guess has turned into a blogger and blogging about my experience.

The other part of me is this reporter and aspiring journalist-which is so different from my blog because as a journalist, I have no views and no opinion, I just give the facts. The blog on the other hand, is purely my views, feelings and opinions.

They are two separate worlds.

But today, I saw how both of those worlds came together to work in perfect harmony.

The recovery girl in me helped the reporter in me write the greatest story I have ever written.

I was thinking about how crazy it is that I have chosen a profession like journalism, where every great article, is not only great because it exposes the truth, but because it has balance.

Any good journalist will find a perfect balance to a story; the equal amount of pros and equal amount of cons. The story that ran today, was in perfect balance.

But how ironic is it that I chose a profession that deals with balance, the one thing in my personal life, especially with Ed, that I have lacked and strive so hard to achieve?

For every negative comment in today’s story, there was a positive one to off set it, or vice versa.

If only I could apply that to my recovery and to Ed, I think I would win many more battles. Sometimes, all it takes is one comment to change an entire story or view or situation.

What would it be like, if every time Ed said something negative to me, I off set it with a positive comment back? Just like my stories, to keep everything in balance?

Would that one positive comment completely tear Ed down and discredit him? No, not at all, just how one positive comment doesn’t discredit a negative comment  in my articles either.

But, it would add balance. It would add another view to think about.

It would add my own voice to Ed’s voice, and maybe mine just might be the one that stands out.

I am not saying it is easy to offset every negative Ed thought with a positive one because it’s one of the hardest things in the world to do because it’s rewiring the brain of those of us who have eating disorders, but the idea of creating balance within my own life, the way I do for the stories I write is one that is intriguing and exciting to me.

But overall, today was significant of my two worlds of recovery  and journalism coming together to create a small step of success for me.

No number on a scale, no calorie count and no clothing size could ever amount to the same level of success as a 4 page article in a newspaper does, and the fact that I am able to realize and appreciate that is why I am thankful I chose  the journey to recovery 9 months ago.

Hello life.

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2 thoughts on “Day 268: My Two Worlds Coming Together

  1. it’s crazy how similar i find our experiences to be…i find myself getting lost in my work and realizing i haven’t eaten or something by the end of the day. it’s never intentional, so it’s hard for me to call that “engaging in behaviors”, but i think it still fits the category. even this morning my oatmeal sits cold on my desk because i had meetings and forgot about it…it’s the most frustrating part. stay strong!

    • I so understand that!!! for me, it’s so easy to let Ed tell me it’s not intentional, but I know it’s in that engaging in behaviors category too. but once we’re aware, I feel that it’s a lot harder to do it and we can stick to recovery better. Don’t be hard on yourself about the oatmeal! Just move on to the next meal =) Thank you so much for sharing with me, it’s truly an incredible feeling to know we are all going through so many of the same things. Stay strong xoxo!

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