Day 267: Forget Yesterday, It Has Already Forgotten You

Hi everyone,

“Forget yesterday – it has already forgotten you. Don’t sweat tomorrow – you haven’t even met. Instead, open your eyes and your heart to a truly precious gift – today.”

I read this quote earlier and it completely resonates with me today for a number of reasons.

Let’s start with the first part: forget yesterday, it has already forgotten you.

As you know, yesterday was a difficult day in recovery for me. I let the number of calories I ate act as my judge and it overshadowed one of the greatest compliments I had ever gotten about being a talented writer.

Today, that day is gone.

And that quote is right in saying that yesterday did forget me. It forgot me, it forgot my calories, and it forgot Ed.

So the only one walking around with its burden is me, and there is nothing fair about that.

So right now in this moment, after I’ve had not only a successful day in recovery, but a quiet day with Ed, I am letting go of yesterday and I am moving onto tonight.

I can’t even say that I am moving on into tomorrow because that feels so far away, as night time is a time for me to do my homework, a time for me to think and a time for me to reflect.

But at least tonight, I won’t be sitting here obsessing over calories like I did last night, and for that I am grateful.

And just like the quote says, I am not going to sweat tomorrow.

Tomorrow is tomorrow. Who knows what it will be?

I can sit here and say that I won’t let myself add up my calories again tomorrow, but that goes back to the black and white thinking that I try to avoid.

So we’ll just say that tomorrow will be tomorrow and somehow, someway, I will roll with the flow of life and the flow of recovery and no matter what, I will see something positive in it.

As for right now, my eyes are very much open to the precious gift in front of me, and that is today (I know it’s cliche, but it really is true right now).

Today is a gift because I didn’t judge myself based on calories today; I didn’t restrict today; I lived in a little bit of freedom today.

Because I know what it’s like to live in the chains of an eating disorder, it makes me appreciate what others may consider just a “normal” day that much more.

I know this isn’t anything new or very insightful, but it’s where I am at today.

I am simply at this place of expressing pure gratitude for the tiny bit of freedom that touched my world today.

With gratitude and appreciation, hello life.

 

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