Last night, for the first time ever, I ordered a s’mores cheesecake. (It was the newest cheesecake added to the menu at Cheesecake Factory, my favorite restaurant).
Now, I don’t even like cheesecake-not because of Ed reasons, but because I just don’t like it. But last night, I just needed to try it because I love s’mores.
Well, not only did I try it, but I loved it, and I ate almost all of it, which leads me to the result that always happens when I eat anything with a lot of salt or sugar: body soreness.
Oh…my dear body soreness. I could honestly write an entire blog about my experience with this body soreness in recovery. It happened to me last Friday and last Saturday too , both times because I ate food with either salt or sugar.
So, of course, I spent today with Ed telling me to be “careful” or what I eat today (in Ed’s world, meaning to restrict), since I ate that s’mores cheesecake last night,.
And as if Ed talking to me isn’t already draining enough, I have the physical discomfort in my body to constantly remind me of it.
Sometimes on days like today, I let Ed win. Sometimes, I do listen.
But today, I was just so annoyed of him already.
I literally kept telling him over and over “But Ed, it was a s’mores cheesecake!”
I don’t know why I keep thinking that Ed would care that the fact that it was the coolest cheesecake in the world would justify me eating it, because to him, it doesn’t, but it does justify it for me.
I was telling one of my friends today about how my body was sore , and he said, well, at least the cheesecake had vitamins H and T.
Vitamins H and T? I had never heard of that. I’ve heard of vitamin A, D, C, but never H and T.
“Yeah, it stands for happiness and taste,” he said.
I just loved that statement so much that I had to write about it, because it goes along with what I’ve been telling Ed all day.
It wasn’t anything more than the most delicious cheesecake, filled with Vitamin’s H and T-happiness and taste.
I am not saying that our happiness should come from food all the time-but sometimes, and especially with desserts and for those of us in recovery for eating disorders, happiness from food every now and then is allowed I think.
So regardless of my soreness, I am still having my friends over for dinner tonight (and yup, with more cheesecake), and if Ed continues to bother me I am going to keep saying the same thing:
“But Ed, it was a s’mores cheesecake!.”
Can’t that just be enough of a reason to overlook the body soreness and move on with my day?
I think so.