When I wrote to you last night, I was partially writing and Ed was partially writing. We were in a dark place together where we both were unreachable to anyone else, other than to one another, a feeling I know all too well.
I hardly slept because I kept waking up to feel how sore my body was and if it was getting worse, as usually overnight, it does.
Thankfully my mom told me to go back to sleep at 6 a.m, and for whatever reason, once I heard someone say it was OK to sleep and let go, I was able to rest for a few hours.
But when I finally woke up, I decided to take action.
In the book I just fished about eating disorders, EATING DISORDERS: Decode The Controlled Chaos, it talks about the stages of recovery.
The second to last stage is the action stage.
So, just like it says, in the action stage, you take action. It’s when you break the food rules and essentially step outside the chains that Ed tries to hold you down with.
The last stage is the maintenance stage-a stage where you maintain recovery.
Every time I think I have made it into the maintenance stage, I am quickly reminded that I am still in the action phase, and I am OK with that.
I like the action phase because it’s pro-active. Action creates change.
So today, I could have stayed home like I’ve done many nights before when my body feels sore after eating, but I didn’t and I am not going to tonight.
I went to get my hair done, which is like self-care 101.
A little bit of self-care can go a long way, and once I did that, I felt ready to take action and go out tonight.
Soreness and all, I am going out with my amazing best friend tonight and even my sister.
Just like they say in the movies, “And…action!.”
Here I come Saturday night.