Day 246: Just Shut Up And Eat

Hi everyone,

From the minute I woke up today up until right now, my day has been extremely busy.

I literally haven’t had one second to relax.

From going hiking with my sister in the morning, to doing seven different interviews for my story due this week, to writing my actual story, to attending a 3 hour class at school and to finally being able to sit and write this blog, it’s safe to say I was very much distracted today.

Now, distractions and recovery can work very well together sometimes.

There have been many times where healthy distractions like watching a movie, going out with friends, or being deeply involved with my school work has actually distracted me from listening to the mean things Ed tells me.

But today, it didn’t serve that healthy purpose. I felt it the moment I woke up too.

I know how the cycle goes when I slightly slip and skip a meal or even a snack already. I get so sucked back into Ed and his ways and then it makes it 100 times harder to pick myself back up the next day.

I don’t have time to today to slip and fall a few steps back because I am writing my biggest story yet (it will be my second front page story) and I need to stay focused. And I also  want to continue feeling as strong as I can in my recovery.

Therefore, I literally had to tell myself today over and over again “just shut up and eat.”

I could talk myself out of eating in one second, or actually, Ed is the one who could talk me out of it very easily, so telling him to shut up was essential today.

And it’s worked so far.

I just need to do it one more time after I write this blog so I can go eat dinner and I will have successfully stayed on my meal plan today and made it through another day in recovery.

My desire and absolute lack of appetite right now is making this last meal really hard for me, but I knew if I wrote about it first and left myself accountable to all those who read this blog, then I would have no choice.

Sometimes, there are days where you can’t do something for yourself, so instead, you do it for others, and that’s what I am doing today, and I think that it is OK.

Hello to another day of making it through recovery and hello life.

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