Day 244: Naming My Future

Hi everyone,

I was totally obsessing over the food I ate at lunch today.

Don’t ask me why I ate what I ate because I only have one answer: I just really liked all of it.

Everything I saw happened to look good to me.

I mean, I know that Ed says that is completely irrational and that it isn’t “normal” to feel like that, but I feel like he is wrong.

Isn’t there times where everything you see just looks good? Now that I think about it, that actually happened to me last night too.

So I came upstairs to watch Joel Osteen, knowing that listening to him usually gives me some sort of positive energy. And as he was talking, he said something interesting.

“You need to name your future. Don’t name it based on your past, name it based on what is destined for you.”

So it really made me think for a moment, if I could name my future anything, what would it be?

Joel said we should name our futures “blessings, health and strength.”

While all those are beautiful things, they didn’t resonate with me today.

If I could name my future anything, in one simple word, it would be freedom.

Freedom from Ed and his life sucking grip on everything that he comes into contact with.

Freedom from being mad at myself for eating foods that just happen to look delicious to me.

Freedom from trying to change my physical being.

Freedom from thinking that I as a person, am not enough, all because I am not perfect according to some eating disorder’s standards.

Freedom to love, laugh, and smile, just because we want to-not because Ed allowed us to for reaching some kind of unattainable or unhealthy goal.

Freedom, freedom, freedom.

Recovery is freedom.

And looking back in history, freedom never came easy to any group of people, and it never came overnight.

It came from years of fighting; years of speaking truth; and years of trying to create change over and over and over again, even after times of failure.

So i guess if I really look at these past  8 months, I’ve already started the tremulous process of achieving freedom.

I am fighting, I am speaking my truth, and I am going to continue to make drastic changes in my life-where I am in charge, not Ed-even if it takes me time and time and time again to do it.

Really, all of us in recovery have already chosen freedom.

We’ve already named our future; and it’s not called Ed.

Everyone has their own idea of what they would like their future to be called.

If you could name your future, what would you name it?

Today,  I didn’t name my future Ed. I didn’t name it a number on a scale. I didn’t name it a clothing size.

I named it freedom.

Hello to one day meeting and embracing true freedom and hello life.

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2 thoughts on “Day 244: Naming My Future

  1. Wow! That is so ironic! I’m reading a book and the part I was reading today the characters in it were having a conversation on the best thing in life. Most were saying, money, power… Things of that nature but the main character who the others don’t know yet were imprisoned for many years (a true story btw) says, “the ability to simply say no. The best thing in life is freedom. The simple ability to be free.” And here you are, a person who understands prisons; personal imprisonment naming your future just that- freedom! I love it!!

  2. freedom By choice , every day you present is edwardless more more . u are down to edi light , and even this its only casuall u know wt i mean love u abba most in the world and tell edwardo to go visit some else , wish alkl the best he is deported GUY MOSKOWITZ (818)2972927.

    >________________________________ > From: Hello Life: A Year Without A Scale >To: moskowitzguy@yahoo.com >Sent: Sunday, September 22, 2013 6:55 PM >Subject: [New post] Day 244: Naming My Future > > > > WordPress.com >shiramoskowitz818 posted: “Hi everyone, I was totally obsessing over the food I ate at lunch today. Don’t ask me why I ate what I ate because I only have one answer: I just really liked all of it. Everything I saw happened to look good to me. I mean, I know that Ed says” >

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