Day 241: Making Front Page

Hi everybody,

I picked up our university newspaper this morning to find out that my most recent story made it onto the front page.

I had no idea that it was going to be the cover story until I saw it.

It’s the first time one of my stories has been the front page story, and it gave me this feeling of success and of achievement.

I’m not totally used to these kinds of feelings when they are not tied to Ed.

I know how it feels like to be proud of hitting a low weight; I know what it’s like to feel proud to starve all day; I know what it’s like to complain to others about how hard it is to find tiny clothes, yet inside Ed is patting you on the back over and over.

I know those kinds of “accomplishments”; Those eating disordered, twisted, false sense of accomplishments that only lead you to more loneliness.

But these kinds of accomplishments-the kind where I made it happen for myself, through my dedication, my passion and my writing, is such a different feeling.

I’ve experienced it a few times in recovery, and every time, it feels different.

Sometimes I am proud of myself, other times I am embarrassed; today I felt shocked.

After feeling so bad about myself for NBC not giving me the job I wanted because my writing was “not up to par,” I guess I was surprised that I still had enough talent to make it onto the front page of the newspaper.

But that element of surprise quickly led to excitement, and that feeling of accomplishment that I keep referring to.

But the difference is between this kind of accomplishment and Ed’s kind of accomplishments, are that this one is not followed by “OK, good job, but now go harm yourself more and do better next time.”

This time, it’s followed by love, support and many congratulations from family and friends.

But most importantly, it’s followed by me taking a moment to let myself feel like a worthy writer again; something I haven’t done since the whole NBC meltdown.

And on that note, I am off to get ready for a blind date—which could be a whole new post in itself.

I really don’t want Ed on this blind date with me, as I am already nervous as it is, and he will only make it worse.

But even if he does happen to make an appearance, at least I can say that I am going.

A few months ago, Ed would have been my one and only date.

Just him and I basking in our misery.

So even if he’s there tonight, at least it’s no longer just him and I.

I’ve decided if he comes, he will have to settle for third wheel. And I can settle for that too at this moment.

Hello life.

front page

 

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6 thoughts on “Day 241: Making Front Page

  1. u are the best , God helped u to not go nbc because much better is waiting for you . you are so fucus and moving so sharp i love u i love watching your journy GUY MOSKOWITZ (818)2972927.

    >________________________________ > From: Hello Life: A Year Without A Scale >To: moskowitzguy@yahoo.com >Sent: Thursday, September 19, 2013 9:42 PM >Subject: [New post] Day 241: Making Front Page > > > > WordPress.com >shiramoskowitz818 posted: “Hi everybody, I picked up our university newspaper this morning to find out that my most recent story made it onto the front page. I had no idea that it was going to be the cover story until I saw it. It’s the first time one of my stories has bee” >

  2. You are destined for greatness, sometimes it just comes in different ways then we think it will. Stay focused and keep on your path and you’ll get there.

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