As if recovery isn’t hard enough as it is without having a scale, and without being able to restrict, and with having to follow a meal plan-and also with Ed in my head constantly-it doesn’t make it any easier on days like today where I was literally hungry all day.
I mean seriously, I was never full.
I thought something was wrong with me, or that I was imagining my stomach rumbling, but I wasn’t.
So, here I have my tummy making noises only one short hour after eating a full meal…and yup, there enters my dear Ed.
Ed hates when I eat anything at all-but he especially hates extra snacks or extra food, especially today, when we are coming off a long week of heavy dinners and desserts.
Sometimes, Ed is like my ex-boyfriend that I used to have; I feel like I need to just do what he wants so he can be quiet and leave me alone.
But we all know what happens when we do that.
Just like my old relationship, things would be fine for a while, he would be nice for a while, but a few hours later, something would be wrong again, and we would be back to square one.
That’s what happened today with Ed.
At first, I tried to drink water instead of eat more, and he was quiet, and then twenty minutes later when I was still hungry, Ed was mad at me yet again.
Like any relationship with two entities, I had to compromise.
Not only did I eat my snack, but I also had an extra snack on top of that.
The eating part was not the compromise that Ed liked; that part was for me. The part where I satisfied Ed was when I ate my last snack, which was an apple, even though I was still hungry, I only ate half of it.
Do I wish I could have eaten the whole apple? Yes. I mean, it was an apple…not a piece of cake or a doughnut.
But, in the moment, it was just too much.
But in the big picture, I still disobeyed Ed; I still ate when I was hungry, and I even ate more than he wanted me to.
Where as 7 months ago I would have starved all day for Ed, today I only gave up half an apple on Ed’s behalf, and I am pretty happy with that progress at this moment.
And now that I ate a good dinner, I am feeling full for the first time today.
Even though I am full, I still have space for dessert, like I always do, because sweets just make me happy, sorry Ed.
As for Ed, he got tired of fighting with me once I ate a full dinner, and I think he’s gone for the night.
On that note, I am off to watch a TV show and enjoy my dessert with my grandma.