Today was the first time ever-and I mean ever-in years-even since the years I was in my eating disorder, that I actually looked in the mirror before going to the beach and thought to myself, “Wow, I actually look really good in this bikini.”
Yesterday after I ate dinner, I was so full, and I was thinking about how much food I have eaten this week during the holidays, and I thought all this gained weight showed on my body.
And then today, I put on this bikini, and liked how I looked,
It’s as if I was looking at myself through another set of eyes.
I guess it just shows you how our minds can play such mind tricks on us; more so, it shows how Ed can play such mind tricks on me.
I don’t know why Ed didn’t play tricks on me today.
I didn’t try to block him out, I didn’t restrict; I actually been eating anything I pretty much wanted today.
But for whatever reason, Ed cut me a break when I put on that bikini today.
He came back a little stronger throughout my day, but I know his mind games already.
In this moment I could feel I look bad, and the next I could feel good. So, I am just going to enjoy the little break I got this morning.
Sometimes all we need is a little slack.
And for today, that’s more than enough for me to be grateful for.
Hello to not only putting on a bikini,but to also feeling good in it even though I don’t know what I weigh in it, and hello life.