Day 229: “I Actually Look Good In This Bikini”

Hi everyone,

Today was the first time ever-and I mean ever-in years-even since the years I was in my eating disorder, that I actually looked in the mirror before going to the beach and thought to myself, “Wow, I actually look really good in this bikini.”

Yesterday after I ate dinner, I was so full, and I was thinking about how much food I have eaten this week during the holidays, and I thought all this gained weight showed on my body.

And then today, I put on this bikini, and liked how I looked,

It’s as if I was looking at myself through another set of eyes.

I guess it just shows you how our minds can play such mind tricks on us; more so, it shows how Ed can play such mind tricks on me.

I don’t know why Ed didn’t play tricks on me today.

I didn’t try to block him out, I didn’t restrict; I actually been eating anything I pretty much wanted today.

But for whatever reason, Ed cut me a break when I put on that bikini today.

He came back a little stronger throughout my day, but I know his mind games already.

In this moment I could feel I look bad, and the next I could feel good. So, I am just going to enjoy the little break I got this morning.

Sometimes all we need is a little slack.

And for today, that’s more than enough for me to be grateful for.

Hello to not only putting on a bikini,but to also feeling good in it even though I don’t know what I weigh in it, and hello life.



4 thoughts on “Day 229: “I Actually Look Good In This Bikini”

  1. I think I would do almost anything to see what I look like to other people. What an achievement to be able to see yourself as you truly are: beautiful! Maybe you should print and post this on your mirror for the next time the ED skews your vision. 🙂

    • I love Sasha’s idea! Yeah to bikini happy!! That’s an achievement for people who are thin who don’t have an ED in today’s society …. Let alone for someone with ED hanging around. I think the beach air agrees with you!!

  2. while i am sure you look beautiful in a bikini, it’s your heart and soul that is beautiful and that’s what truly matters. keep on fighting ❤

    • This comment touched my heart and reminded me of the best lesson that I keep relearning everyday in recovery; that it’s our souls, not our bodies, that make us beautiful. Thank you so much for this uplifting comment and thank you for your support ❤

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