I completely and totally blew my own mind today.
I went above and beyond any and all expectations I had of myself and I truly feel proud.
So, let me explain to you where this all started.
It started at 12:30 a.m. last night, after I found out that the story I spent hours on interviewing people about why faculty members at California state universities were not getting pay raises, totally got thrown out the window, since at 10 p.m. last night, the union decided to give them all pay raises.
My title of “CSU faculty have not received pay raises in over five years” totally got trashed, and instead, I had to write a new piece about why they are now getting pay raises.
This story was supposed to be published tomorrow, which meant it had to be completed and perfect by today at 3 p.m.
My editor said not to rush and that she will run the new version of the story next Thursday.
But as you all know, this is not how I operate.
I don’t like to wait for opportunities to come to me.
This was an opportunity to publish my work, so I needed to tackle it.
By 12 p.m., I had re-interviewed everyone I needed to interivew.
By 1:30 p.m, I had found time to eat lunch and nourish myself.
And by 2:30 p.m, my story was in my editors hands ready to go to print for tomorrows newspaper.
Talk about a lesson about going with the flow…last minutes changes..and not turning to Ed for support.
I couldn’t turn to Ed today when I was feeling overwhelmed; if I did, he would be all I focused on.
I would have focused on my calories instead of my writing, or the way my clothes fit instead of meeting my deadline.
There was literally no space for him.
And on top of feeling so accomplished already, about one hour ago, I got an email saying I have a interview tomorrow for a paid internship with NBC.
I applied for this internship only three days ago.
It was a total whim and I didn’t think they would even call me back.
But something in me made me want to apply.
There was something in me that made me believe in myself enough ,that I had a chance to go for it.
I believed in my self worth at that moment when I applied, because I believed I was good enough.
I didn’t think I was good enough because of what I weighed that day, or what I ate that day, and that is huge.
Even today, after 7 months of recovery, I still am learning to mold myself into believing that my value does not rest on a number or size, but rather, who I am, what I believe in, and what I am capable of.
Ed didn’t write that story for me today in six hours.
He didn’t get it published for me tomorrow.
He didn’t get me my interview.
And a size zero didn’t get me any of that either.
I got me that.
Learning to believe in myself, because of who I am, and not because of what I weigh, has been a long process for me, and it still is a process…but today, I learned a really big lesson.
The more I believe in myself, the less Ed exists.
I wrote a post about a week ago, saying how I feel my time to shine was going to come quickly.
It has now officially come.
The more I shine and the more I believe in me, the more dull Ed becomes.
And you know what? I’m not even stressing about what will happen if I do or don’t get that internship with NBC.
Them just giving me that interview in the first place solidified that I have the right to believe in myself.
What greater gift could I ask for?