Day 209: Walking Into A Future Without Ed

Hi everyone,

I apologize for this post being so late. I was driving home from San Diego, and only now had time to write.

Today was another great day. I can actually say that for the first time in a while, I truly ate what  I wanted to today, and I enjoyed it without feeling guilty.

So, when I was driving home from San Diego today, I got a phone call from one of my childhood friend’s mom, Donna.

My sister and I were best friends with Donna’s daughter growing up, and we spent a lot of time in her house. She was like a part of our family.

I hadn’t heard from her in a few years now, and for some reason, she decided to call me just to see how I was doing.

I was caught off guard, but at the same time, I was so pleasantly surprised. It was a good feeling-a familiar feeling.

When she asked me how I was doing and what I was up to, I told her “I am finishing my last semester in school, about to graduate, and I am just enjoying my last week of summer with my family and friends.”

I didn’t notice until afterwards, that none of what I said to her had to do with my recovery, or my eating disorder, or food, or losing weight, or working out.

Had she asked me that question a year ago, I would have told her “I am busy working out a lot and being healthy,” because that’s all that was important to me.

And by healthy, I meant not eating. I didn’t know any other way to describe my battle with Ed at the time, other than saying I was being “healthy.” (total opposite of what I was).

But that didn’t happen this time.

I told her how happy I am about school, about my family and friends, and about graduating college-none of which have to do with Ed.

How exciting is that, right?

I used to write on this blog, how one day, I knew that my life would be able to move on without Ed. I didn’t know how, but I knew it would.

The fact that I told someone on the phone today, how I envision my life in the next few months being all about school and relationships and gaining independence-that is me already moving on without Ed.

I am already mentally preparing myself to be ready to walk into my future with him behind me.

The best part of this whole experience with talking to Donna, except for what I just wrote about above, was that I saw how great it felt for someone to reach out and just ask how someone else is doing.

It was genuine, kind hearted, and selfless.

She made me smile and feel thought about.

How long has it been since I’ve made someone else feel thought about?

Tomorrow, I am going to call someone who I haven’t called in a while, in hopes that I can give them the same feeling that Donna gave me.

Ed or no Ed-feeling cared about can lift anyone’s spirits up, and we all need that from time to time.

Hello to starting my Monday tomorrow by hopefully enriching the life of someone else,  hello envisioning my future without Ed, and hello life.


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