A few days ago, I wrote a post about how I was taking so many pictures of myself in the mirror, and how I knew it was a step backwards for me in my recovery.
However, in that same post, I also wrote that that one step backwards, would motivate me to take three steps forward.
Today, I took, those three steps forward.
Today, I took one of my younger brothers to a water park and then to dinner and dessert.
Yes, me, and a water park; with a bikini.
I didn’t take a picture of myself yesterday, or today.
I knew that if I took that photo this morning, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy my day with my brother, and he deserved me to be with him today, not Ed.
Sure, there were times during the day where I was checking myself out in mirrors in the bathroom-but never for more than a quick glance.
It wasn’t easy, but I did it.
This was a huge step for me today. That’s why I say it was more like three steps.
I put on a bathing suit, in a time where I am so uncomfortable with my body-and I forced myself to fight every single urge Ed presented me with-from when I tried the bathing suit on in the morning, to lunch in the afternoon, and to dinner and dessert at night-and I won.
I didn’t just beat Ed for me today; but I did it for my brother-that selflessness right there is recovery.