Happy Friday everyone,
Today, I celebrate 200 days without weighing myself, and 200 days of recovery from my eating disorder.
Do I like my body right now? No.
Do I accept it right now? No again.
But, I love myself more than anything right now, for spending the last 200 days fighting for the life that I know I deserve, free of Ed.
I love myself more than I love my eating disorder, and that might mean that for right now, I might just need to be uncomfortable with my body.
On day 31 of this blog, I wrote a post about celebrating my first one month milestone in recovery and of being without a scale. In that post, I wrote:
“I have begun to fight for my future-a future that I know, that whatever I lost from this eating disorder or from my recent heart ache, God will restore me double-and when he does, I will not only be a fighter, I will be the world champion of the title that my eating disorder tried so hard to keep: the title of my life.”
Here we are, on day 200, and I am proud to say, that I am the champion of that title now.
I am not only fighting now, but I am living too. I am living as the champion of my life.
Yes, on some days, Ed tries to steal the title away from me-and sometimes I let him touch it for a second, or run his fingers over the outlines of it-but I never let him grab it back.
That title is mine.
I earned it.
I fight to keep that title of the champion of my life, every single day.
It’s a fight where each day is a new round, and each day, my punches become stronger.
Sometimes Ed wins a few rounds, but he’s never the one who gets to raise his hand in victory.
Every night that I go to sleep, knowing that I lived another day in recovery, I am the one who gets to raise my hand as the winner.
My side of the boxing ring never rests. And truthfully, never does Ed’s either.
But my corner is stronger than his. I am stronger than him.
Ed stands alone.
I stand with everyone who has been supporting me in my corner since day 1.
Thank you to everyone who is still in my corner, cheering me on, 200 days later.
Without you, I don’t have the power to win.
I am the ultimate fighter, but you all are my gloves who I hit with,and who I protect myself with.
Today I celebrate 200 days of me not giving up on myself-and to that, I say with deep appreciation and gratitude, hello life.