My plan today was to wake up early and go workout.
Well, I woke up-but I laid in bed and turned on my TV, and I really didn’t feel like moving. I felt so perfect and comfortable doing exactly that.
This is the first day in such a long time that I had no where to be, and I just wanted to relish in that moment.
But Ed hated that. Oh, he really really hated that.
He kept trying to tell me that I need to work out since last week I didn’t work out and didn’t eat very healthy.
After an hour of me consistently turning him down, I finally was able to leave that conversation he and I were having in my head.
For those new readers, (in the past day, the blog has gotten a few new followers), Ed is the name I have given to my eating disorder. I treat Ed as a separate person who is in my life. If he is going to be part of my life, I decided I would personify him.
Weird? Maybe. But it works.
So, with me being able to quiet Ed, I was able to cuddle in my bed with no one other than me and myself.
Just us. No Ed.
And I loved it.
I even brought myself breakfast and coffee in bed, something I never do-as eating anywhere but a table seems to be something I am uncomfortable with (not sure why), but I think it has to do with being mindful of the act of eating.
I spent the whole day with myself.
I relaxed, I watched a movie, I made myself lunch, and I tanned outside while listening to music.
Ed came back to say hi to me when I was getting dressed, and a few more picture were taken. I am not proud of it. But it ended faster than it did yesterday-and I deleted them right away, and I am proud of that.
I am going to continue my day with me and myself, and leave Ed out of the picture.
I saw this photo today online, and it really symbolized my recovery to
I am the butterfly, and Ed is the rock.
Yup, that is me dragging Ed up the stairs; not him dragging me.
Rocks are lifeless. They have no voice. They have no power.
The more my recovery progresses, the more Ed is becoming a rock; lifeless and powerless.
If I saw this picture at the beginning of my recovery, I would have seen it as that rock holding that butterfly down.
Not now-now that butterfly is moving that rock, all by herself.
I am that butterfly.
Here is to another day of the little butterfly within me who keeps proving to Ed time and time again, that she is stronger than she looks.