Day 187: Too Busy Living

Hello everybody,

I have to be ready to leave my house in less than one hour to go out, and I just now remembered that I forgot to blog today.

Do you know what this means?

This means that I was so busy living life without Ed inside my head all the time , that writing about him just wasn’t as thought about as usual.

It’s actually a pretty amazing thing.

I took care of myself today.

I got my nails done, and I even got a new pair of jeans.

And I didn’t reward myself with these simple acts of self-care because I weighed a certain number today, I did it because I wanted to feel good about myself-a new concept, but one that I like.

These jeans that I bought were a size bigger than all my other jeans-but the fact that I have friends and people to wear them out with, was more important to me than the size.

I bought a new pair of jeans so I can feel good going out with people-the main focus being that I actually enjoy going out now.

A year ago, if I were to only fit in a bigger size jeans like I did today, there would be absolutely no way that I would still go out that night, especially to eat dinner, which is what I am going to do tonight.

I would have stayed home, taken some kind of laxative, and felt miserable until the next morning.

And during the night, I would have weighed myself over and over again to remind myself of why I was home alone and not out having fun.

I wouldn’t have been living then.

I would be only existing in Ed’s world-and a weak existence at that.

I am living now.

I am not staying home tonight because these jeans are a size that Ed does not like.

Instead, I am going out with friends, I am wearing these jeans despite the number on the tag, and I feel good in-and I am going to have a good time.

I used to think that it was impossible to able to live without Ed.

But here I am, living, and loving, and learning how to be without him a little more each day.

Hello to being busy living and hello life.

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