Day 185: No Need To Defend, I Know Me.

Hello everyone,

“The difficult part in an argument is not to defend one’s opinion but rather to know it,”  ~André Maurois.

In yesterday’s post, I wrote to you about an argument I had with someone close to me.

They spoke, I spoke, and hurt was caused on both sides.

I am not going to spend today writing about it, but I am going to write about what I learned.

I spent a lot of time yesterday defending my opinion about myself and my feelings, and about my character.

I defended it on this blog, and I defended it to my family and friends.

But then, I read this quote earlier today while browsing on my phone, and I realized, that that was probably my biggest loss yesterday.

It wasn’t a loss that I stood up for myself, because I am glad I did so, but it was a loss to argue and become emotionally drained trying to defend my feelings or who I am, when I already know myself, my feelings, and my opinions about who I am as a person.

I think this is the first time in my life where I am actually secure with who I am.

It’s the first time that I do not feel I need to seek approval from others, or from Ed.

I could have looked to Ed today to help me restrict and feel temporarily better, but I didn’t need to do that.

Ed couldn’t touch me today.

I feel that because I am so in touch with myself, my beliefs and my character, I don’t even need Ed to try to “make me better.”

I am happy with who I am. I am happy with my views of myself. I am happy with my own opinion of myself.

I see now, that that is truly what matters.

It is going to have to be OK with me that other people aren’t always going to be happy with who I am or what I am saying or what I am writing, even if it hard to hear.

I see now, I don’t need to defend my words or myself to anyone.

All I need to do is know myself and where I stand within me.

And I am not just referring to my argument yesterday.

I am referring to the many times in my life where I have fought to seek approval-from Ed, from friends, from teachers, from boss’s, and from family. And if I didn’t get that approval, I defended myself as to why I should get it, or I let Ed come in so I can get approval from him.

Both of those things no longer exist for me anymore.

I don’t need to defend myself. I don’t need approval.

My heart is open to others…their views, and their truths.

But in the end, I have to know my truth the most.

I am content with who I am, and I know my opinion of myself, and that to me, is really what matters.

When I am secure with who I am, I don’t need Ed.

I don’t need a number anymore to tell me how good of a person I am.

I don’t need calorie counts anymore to tell me how disciplined I am.

And I don’t need to fight others about it either.

I only need my core beliefs about who I am-and those, I have worked long and hard to establish.

There is no need for me to harbor any negative energy within myself anymore.

I’m not angry with anyone, and I am not upset anymore.

I understand everyone has their own views, as they should.

I know me-no need to defend it.

The best part is, I am finally getting to know who I am, without a number on some scale attached to it…wow, who knew 6 months ago that would even be possible?

Hello life.

 

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4 thoughts on “Day 185: No Need To Defend, I Know Me.

  1. When your heart is open to other’s views and their truths and you no longer feel a need for them to share the same truth as yours by defending your views until they see it your way, leaving you sad and angry if they don’t, you have learned something some people are never able to learn. For sure it’s not the easiest of lessons. I’m proud of you.

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