Day 182: And Now I Know The True Meaning Of Love

Happy Monday everyone,

Yesterday was one of the most beautiful days that I think I’ve ever experienced in my life.

I knew that reaching my 6 month milestone of being scale-free and of living in recovery would mean a lot to me and a lot to those who are close to me, but I had no idea that there would be such a huge out pour of love behind it.

First, I got to celebrate with my mom, her husband, my sister and my grandma on Saturday night at a steak house where they customized our menu’s to write “Hello Life Shira…6 Months!”.

Then during the day on Sunday, I recieved so many beautiful comments and emails from my blog followers, subscribers, friends and family.

My dad, who is currently in Israel, even left me a comment on yesterday’s blog post-just showing me that even though half of my family is half way across the world right now, they were still with me in spirit for this huge milestone.

Even without his comment, I would have known that and felt that, but it was nice to put words to it.

At night, my best friend and her boyfriend got me the most beautiful cake, with inspiring sayings all around it, which I will post here later. We went out for dinner after and celebrated not only my accomplishment, but the friendship that we all have.

I have my aunt and cousins who I will be celebrating later with this week…and a few more friends too.

Now, I am going to put the fancy dinner, comments, emails and chocolate cake aside-because yesterday was really not about all those things.

Yesterday was about love.

It was about a love that I never could have been open to receiving when I was living in my eating disorder.

When I was living trapped inside Ed, only judging myself based on a number on a scale, I didn’t let anyone in my life to love me, because I didn’t even know how to love myself.

I didn’t know what love was.

I thought love was me trying to be a perfect girlfriend for my now ex-boyfriend.

I thought love was me trying to fit into his perfect mold of who he thought I should be.

I thought love was a certain number on a scale.

I thought love was someone loving me even though I was obsessed with my weight.

After these past 6 months and especially after yesterday, I know now, that is not love; it never was.

Love starts with myself.

It starts with learning to love me for me, and from that, stems the beauty of other people’s love into my life.

Along this journey to recovery and this journey to finding self acceptance, I have found that the more I learn to accept and love myself, the more love I let in from family, friends, and even strangers, and that is what happened yesterday.

My biggest fear when I started recovery, other than gaining weight of course, was that those people who are close to me in my life wouldn’t like the new me.

I wasn’t sure if I would even like the new me, so how could I know they could like it?

I didn’t know who I would be without my weight and calorie counts, and without my skinny body, and I was scared of what I would find at my core without all of it.

But, I am not scared anymore.

I am falling in love with the person at my core-with her strength, with her compassion for others, and with her love to simply enjoy life.

And I am not scared that those who love me will not accept the new me anymore, because very obviously, they do love me-the recovered me-and it’s not because I am a different person, but it’s because I can finally let them in, one person at a time.

This whole time I thought love was centered around making others happy…or making a man happy…or making my family happy.

And now I see, the true meaning of love.

Love is unconditional, it’s support, it’s family, it’s friends, and most importantly, it’s me.

I love myself enough to let myself receive the love from others in my life who want to love me back just how I love them-and it’s a beautiful thing.

That right there, that is love.

I am so grateful that I am surrounded by so much love in my life, and I am beyond appreciative to everyone who has opened their hearts to me along my journey to recovery.

Embracing love and living in an eating disorder are two things that can never exist together.

I choose love, and to that I say, hello life.

cake

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One thought on “Day 182: And Now I Know The True Meaning Of Love

  1. Yay!! I’m so happy to hear you show yourself all of that love and self-compassion! I’m so blessed to be a part of your life! I love you!!

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