Usually for breakfast, I have this fiber muffin from Trader Joe’s that I always eat.
I literally eat it every single morning, and have been doing that since I started my recovery.
This muffin used to be my breakfast and lunch and snack for the whole day when I was living with Ed-but as I started recovery, it moved into becoming just my breakfast; a big deal in itself.
There have only been two other times other than today since I started my recovery almost six months ago, that I ate something other than this muffin for breakfast; once on Mother’s Day, also here in San Diego, and once with E, when we ate pancakes together.
I brought the muffins here to San Diego with me, just in case I felt I wasn’t ready to eat breakfast without them, but when the time came today, I decided I would eat breakfast at the restaurant with my grandma and sister.
During my run this morning, I felt I wasn’t running enough, and told myself because of it, I would eat the muffin for breakfast-but when the moment came for me to decide what to do, I won over Ed.
I’m not saying I had the most luxurious breakfast with everything I truly wanted, but I did have something new and different and very much out of my comfort zone.
A victory for me, a loss for Ed.
More than that, I went shopping again today; something that is becoming less Ed consumed, and more fun.
I didn’t stress that the size I wore is one size bigger than I used to be; I just didn’t let myself over think it.
It just was.
It was the size it was and that was it.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Needless to say, I am a little bit uncomfortably full from the dinner I ate tonight, but I am trying to remind myself of all the major steps I took today.
Those steps are more important than this temporary fullness. My only hope is that it does not lead to me feeling sore tomorrow.
When I first started my recovery, E had me write down 3 things at the end of every day that I did for my recovery.
I don’t know why I thought about that today, but I did.
I think in a moment where this fullness is kind of taking over me, it might be good to write down those three things.
So, here they are; three things I did today for my recovery:
1. I ate breakfast with my family, not just my safe breakfast that I am used to.
2. I didn’t judge myself for having to try on one size bigger in jeans at the mall.
3. I am too full right now, but I won’t do anything to “fix” it. No restricting tomorrow..no laxatives. I will just let it pass.
Woo. That is a lot of recovery for one day.
Good for me.