Day 178: A Vacation Not Measured In Numbers

Hi everyone,

I didn’t have time to write a post yet today because I have been in San Diego with my grandma, mom, and sister.

From the lunch we ate, to the frozen yogurt we ate, to the dinner we ate-none of these foods were “safe,” yet the point is, I did it.

When I say “I did it,” I don’t mean I ate-I mean that I participated in a social act of gathering, and sharing, and connecting with my family-and yes, it was around food, and that food didn’t stop me from being part that experience.

To me, that speaks volumes about how far I have come in my recovery.

It is uncomfortable and a little scary to be eating foods that are not safe for me, but I am doing it, and it feels OK.

It doesn’t feel great…but it feels OK.

Living life beyond the restrictions that this eating disorder once kept me bound by-that is great.

One day, it will feel great too, and that greatness will one day overpower the fear of what I or my life would be like without Ed.

I am in San Diego—with my family–laughing, eating, and living-and I am grateful for it.

Had I been here one year ago, I would have brought my scale with me.

I would have weighed myself tonight after dinner. I would have measured this whole trip in numbers; in weight and in calories.

Sure, doing it this way-the recovery way-is not as “known” and predictable, but it’s free, and I think that outweighs the scariness of the unknown.

Yup, I am going to enjoy this vacation-with or without Ed here.

If Ed is here, I will argue with him, time and time again, until my voice is the last one I hear.

If he’s not here…well, he’s never not here-but for the moments where he is quiet, I will be appreciative.

Hello to this San Diego vacation that won’t be measured in numbers on a scale, and hello life.




2 thoughts on “Day 178: A Vacation Not Measured In Numbers

  1. You have just blossomed and brightened up into a young woman filled with happy smiles and laughter and its so nice to spend time with you where you are present and not preoccupied with numbers on a scale. I know what a hard road this is on a daily basis but you are doing such an amazing job!!

  2. So happy you are able to enjoy your vacation and time in San Diego without Ed! You’re doing great Shira! So proud of you! Love you! 😘

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