Day 167: Just A Bad Place

Hi everyone,

Where do I start today?

I spent almost an hour trying on different outfits right now because I am going out tonight, and every one was worse than the other.

I almost took a picture to see what I look like, but stopped myself from hitting the actual snap button, which I am proud of.

I know there was a time in my life where I was much bigger than what I am now…but for whatever reason, it feels to me,that I am bigger now than ever before.

I really am hating my body right now.

Period.

Nothing else to say.

I am simply in a bad place in this whole road to recovery that I see now is so very very long.

It’s twisted, curvy, windy, uphill, downhill, and extremely long.

Maybe tomorrow will be better, maybe not.

At least I know that bad places in life, for anyone, not just me, are never permanent.

I am thankful I do not weigh myself anymore, because tonight, I had the strongest urge to go and jump right on one, and I know if I did, I would go back to Ed, and I would never return.

At least I was strong enough to not go on that scale today…or for the past 167 days.

In this moment, my inner strength is amazing me.

I think I am holding myself up pretty well for how terrible, broken and confused I feel inside.

I wanted to take a picture today of my body-but I didn’t.

I wanted to step on the scale, but I didn’t.

That is inner strength at its most powerful.

I am waiting for tomorrow to bring me a new and hopefully better day…until then, hello life.

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5 thoughts on “Day 167: Just A Bad Place

  1. Today was a great day for u. U came along thow diffuclties. In the past u wouldnt come to family event wjen feeling like that today u did. For me it means are winning now daily battels u are winning put it in your head u are winning u are so intelelgnt that each tine u manage to bring different tools to the war in order not to excust your self at the past u would. I call it maturity level and will not to be any more whwee I was. I love u most in the world I miss u already u were so fun to be around today love u 4 strong anf strongrt abba

  2. Shirooosh, I’m sorry if it was a challenge, I know it was! I’m sorry because I didn’t have another way to do it, I’m proud of your strength. Your honesty, your committnent… Soon to self!!! I love u n miss u already!!!

    Sent from my iPhone

  3. I know that if I even owned a scale and/or had measuring tape, I’d be done for. Good for you for recognizing this in yourself. I also know that recognition doesn’t make it any easier, it just lessons the urge to jump off the cliff. I’ve been having an extremely difficult time too so can’t really offer any words other than to say I understand an empathize. Hang in there.

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