Where do I start today?
I spent almost an hour trying on different outfits right now because I am going out tonight, and every one was worse than the other.
I almost took a picture to see what I look like, but stopped myself from hitting the actual snap button, which I am proud of.
I know there was a time in my life where I was much bigger than what I am now…but for whatever reason, it feels to me,that I am bigger now than ever before.
I really am hating my body right now.
Nothing else to say.
I am simply in a bad place in this whole road to recovery that I see now is so very very long.
It’s twisted, curvy, windy, uphill, downhill, and extremely long.
Maybe tomorrow will be better, maybe not.
At least I know that bad places in life, for anyone, not just me, are never permanent.
I am thankful I do not weigh myself anymore, because tonight, I had the strongest urge to go and jump right on one, and I know if I did, I would go back to Ed, and I would never return.
At least I was strong enough to not go on that scale today…or for the past 167 days.
In this moment, my inner strength is amazing me.
I think I am holding myself up pretty well for how terrible, broken and confused I feel inside.
I wanted to take a picture today of my body-but I didn’t.
I wanted to step on the scale, but I didn’t.
That is inner strength at its most powerful.
I am waiting for tomorrow to bring me a new and hopefully better day…until then, hello life.