Good evening everyone,
First and foremost, thank you to everyone for your beautiful comments yesterday; they were touching, uplifting and very much needed, and I am so grateful for them.
I don’t feel any better about my body today than I did yesterday, however, the desire to restrict food has lessened a lot, and since last night at dinner, I was eating back on my meal plan, and actually just let myself eat some yummy snacks right now because I felt like it,and I tried to tell myself I am deserving of that.
Mentally, I am in a better place than I was yesterday, and I think a big reason for that is because I was able to step outside myself today, and see the real world around me.
I was able to see the real world going on outside of Ed’s world-a world where food, calories and weight don’t dominate everything ; instead, its a world where people are continuing on in their lives despite loss and hardships, such as my grandma.
Since my grandpa passed away almost two years ago, my grandma has driven his car.
Since he passed away, she has done everything and anything for others.
She’s done so many things on her own for our family, such as having to be strong for all of us all by herself, despite her loss that she must feel so deep within herself.
My grandma does everything for everyone else.
She will let anyone in our family vent to her at any time of the day, she will give advice, she will buy you clothes if you need it…she would go above and beyond to make any one of her friends or family happy.
The one person she sometimes forgets about is herself; something I personally know all too well, as I too, can easily become a caretaker to others in my life.
Well, today, she finally did something for herself.
After two years of driving my grandpa’s car, she decided she wanted to buy herself a new one.
She said we would just go and look.
But I knew it wouldn’t be just a “go and look” kind of day-I knew she would drive home in a new car, because it was time, and I knew my grandpa was organizing the entire thing.
She found the car she loved right away, which was blue, the exact same color as the shirt she was wearing. And yes, I do believe it was a sign from my angel above that this was meant to happen.
As we were filling out all the paperwork, I asked her if she was ready to say goodbye to this car, and open a new chapter in her life with this new car she’s getting.
“Your grandpa would have bought this new car for me a long time ago,” she said. And she was right.
I sat there and watched her go through the motions of filling out the paperwork all by herself, something she’s never done without my grandfather before, and I just hit me:
People go through hard times in life. They experience loss. They experience pain. Yet somehow, they do find a way to eventually somehow move on.
Today, my grandma found a way to start moving on with her life after my grandpa.
She inspired me more than she will ever know.
If she can say goodbye to that car that she drove, which was a piece of my grandpa’s life still with her, and if she can start to move on from such a deep loss, then I can move on from my bad days lately in recovery.
I am not the only one who is experiencing pain, doubt,sadness and loneliness right now.
If she can overcome these obstacles, so can I.
I feel inspired and deeply proud of the fact that I am able to share my life with such a strong person like my grandma, and I am blessed that I was able to be part of this milestone for her today.
Thank you to my dearest grandma for teaching me such a strong lesson today about moving on.
A new convertible and two cups of frozen yogurt later, both my grandma and I have started moving on today.
Hello to moving on and hello life.