Day 162: A Moment Of Clarity

Good afternoon everyone,

Today I was sitting in my summer school class, which is over on Tuesday, and our publisher of the newspaper, also our professor, announced that she was giving an award for the most outstanding staff member of the summer class.

As she was talking about how dedicated, passionate, and persistent the person getting the award was, I started to think  to myself, how amazing that would be if I would be the one to get that award.

All these years Ed spent trying to tell me my worth was based on how much I weighed or what size jeans I wore, or how many calories I ate that day-and here would be a moment of clarity to validate that all those lies were not true.

It would be a moment of clarity, and a moment of truth, for me to hear her say my name.

To hear someone else notice and acknowledge my skills as a writer, my dedication and commitment to being the best person I can be, and my perseverance to being nothing short of the best, would have proven to me, that I don’t need to be a certain number on a scale to be “a good” person today.

Essentially, it would expose Ed’s lies about what makes me who I am; and that by far, is no longer a number.

I feel like I have waited a long time for the moment where I would realize, that someone else appreciates me  not because of the way I look, not because I am a strong person for choosing to recover from my eating disorder, and not because I haven’t weighed myself in almost 6 months.

But because I am smart, talented, and hard working–and because of my character as a person.

After what seemed like forever, she did say my name.

And I got that moment of clarity I have been waiting so very long for.

I am not a product of Ed and his lies anymore.

No number on a scale got me this award. No amount of weight loss got me this award. No amount of calorie restriction got me this award.

I got myself this award with my hard work and dedication, and for the first time in a long time, Ed didn’t stop me.

Hello to this beautiful moment of clarity I was blessed to receive today and hello life.

award

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4 thoughts on “Day 162: A Moment Of Clarity

  1. It just keeps getting better and better, doesn’t it? Your accomplishments are something that no one can take away from you. You so deserve to feel pride, satisfaction, and triumph. Your post yesterday said you were learning to accept what is. Well, that applies to the positive as well as the negative, right? “What is” today are your awesome achievements. And I’m glad you are allowing yourself to accept them and rejoice.

    Love you and am so proud of you.

    Mary

  2. Congratulations on your award. I believe that many wonderful things are ahead for you. This is just the start!

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