Day 160: Untitled

Hi everyone,

I apologize in advanced for the lack of interest and/or insight this blog post will have today, I just really don’t have anything great to say right now.

I wrote yesterday, that I woke up feeling sick, and I am still feeling like this today.

After researching it for a bit and talking to my mom who is a nurse, we found out that a possible reason I don’t feel well is because I might have some kind of acid reflux or an ulcer; both nothing serious, but just uncomfortable.

For both of those conditions, it is recommended that you don’t eat certain foods like chocolate, coffee, spicy foods, fried foods or acidic foods like fruit; pretty much my whole diet on a daily basis.

The past two days is the first time I think I have actually forced myself to eat because I wanted to; because I wanted to stay on my meal plan and take care of myself, even though I didn’t feel good while doing it.

I didn’t want to eat-but not because of the calories in the food or because I was worried about weight, but because of how sick I felt after. This is a very different feeling towards food than I have had in the past with Ed, and it is weird for me.

But the point is, I did eat.

I could have used me not feeling good as a way to get out of eating, but I didn’t want to.

I actually wanted to give my body what it needed.

To nourish it and to take care of it.

Considering the fact, that at one point, I worked so hard to deprive my body of all its essential nutrients, I think me actually wanting to take care of it is pretty amazing.

I don’t know what to do about the foods that I should try to avoid, since I have never been in  a place in recovery yet where I’ve had to do that.

Will it lead to me trying to control yet another aspect of food?

Or will it make me feel like I am doing what I need to do to take care of my body?

On Friday, one of my brothers asked me why some of my posts are more interesting than others.

So I told him that this is the story of my everyday life, and not everyday is inspiring or interesting.

Well, today is one of those days.

But, it’s the truth, so that will have to suffice.

I have no title for today’s post, because I don’t know what to call it.

I am confused on how I feel about not wanting to eat because I feel sick afterwards, versus actually wanting to eat because I truly enjoy taking care of my body.

That is pretty much where I stand.

I hope when I see Karen, my nutritionist, tomorrow, she can help me figure out some other options until I figure out what works for my body right now.

But until then, I will enjoy my Sunday with my family and be proud of myself that I actually want to take care of my body and nourish it.

And to that, I happily end this post by saying, “hello life. “

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4 thoughts on “Day 160: Untitled

  1. You eating despite feeling like crap shows your commitment to health. Kudos to you! I know for me, it isn’t the being sick that is so much the problem as compared to getting back to normal eating afterward, assuming I wasn’t able to eat when I was sick. By making yourself eat you avoided a possible extended unpleasant set back.

    I realized a couple of weeks ago that I don’t have that bounce back ability that most people have. If I start losing I want to lose more. If I’m allowed to decrease my meal plan, I want to keep decreasing it till there is nothing there. I accepted that I lost the privilege to “not eat” when I’m not feeling well. I just eat anyway, as you did, and hope it all works out.

    As much as I hate anyone to be sick, I hope you just have a stomach bug or flu and not an ulcer or acid reflux. Hope you get some rest tonight and feel a little better tomorrow.

  2. Shira, in the course of everyday life there are days when the body actually doesn’t want food bec. the digestive tract needs a rest–especially if there’s some illness or imbalance. I know for you that’s problematic bec. you’re in recovery from an eating disorder. But don’t be hard on yourself. If your symptoms persist see a doctor to make sure there’s nothing physiological going on. That’s also part of taking care of yourself.
    My own recovery (that I started thanks to you) is going well. You’re an inspiration.
    Love you!
    Mary

  3. I found out I had ulcers over a year ago. It really does make eating so hard. I have often found myself using the line “my ulcers are bothering me” to not eat. And that line isnt a lie. They always are bothering me. But the problem is that my ED likes that I have a real official excuse to not eat or to cut out foods. I applaud you for doing what is best for you, even if it makes you feel sick. 🙂

  4. Shira, never apologize for the content of your blog as it is your truth. It always educates your readers and I’m struck by the fact that whenever a roadblock pops up in your recovery, you ultimately make the right decision. We all have bad days, but you make the best of yours. Hooray for you!

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