Day 158: Ah-Ha Moments

Happy Friday everyone,

Friday is slowly becoming my favorite day of the week, which is so ironic since it used to be the one day of the week I would use my weight to dictate how successful and productive my whole week had been, and how much fun I would let myself have on the weekend.

But now, Friday’s have turned into a day of relaxation, reflection, and lunch dates with friends and family.

I realized today, that the past 4 Friday’s, I have gone out to lunch with four different people.

One week, I had lunch with my trainer. The next week I had lunch with my grandma. The week after that I had lunch with my friend , and today,  I had lunch with my brother.

Today at lunch, my brother asked me how my recovery was going, and he said something about the amount of food I am eating.

For a long time, I measured my progress in recovery by the amount of food I ate (or didn’t eat), and it took me months to realize that my recovery isn’t about food.

I sat there and said to him,

“Dean, my recovery isn’t about how much food I am eating. It’s about taking care of myself, it’s about being with people, and connecting with people; it’s about you and me going out to lunch together, especially on a Friday, when I know we have a big dinner ahead of us later. It’s about living my life again.”

As Oprah would say, it was like my “ah-ha” moment.

For me to be able to explain that, and truly understand that, was a big indicator to me about how far  I have come in my recovery.

At first, I didn’t like these Friday lunches because they interfered with my schedule of eating the same exact lunch that I am used to everyday.

It was different and it was new.

As always, change is not exactly my forte, but I am getting more accustomed to it everyday.

Sometimes, almost every time actually, I felt a little uncomfortably full.

But when I take a step back and look at the big picture, I see the life that I am creating, such as going out to lunch with people.

I read one of my very first blog posts today out to E, and in it, I wrote, “I don’t know how I will make it to next year, January 21, 2014, without a scale, but I know I will make it through today.”

It blows my mind that in 23 days, I will be celebrating 6 months of not weighing myself, and 6 months in recovery.

Another ah-ha moment.

Wow.

Hello life.

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