Day 157: Whatever

Hello everyone,

Today is just one of those days .

We all have them.

Days where we try to fight with how we feel and we try to ignore it, but in the end that only brings us face to face with our feelings even more.

For me, today I have been feeling like eating and snacking all day.

I seriously don’t know why, but I have.

I tried to ignore it, and tried to forget about it , but in the end, I found myself going to the fridge 10 times in an hour anyway .

And I don’t mean I’m eating cake and candy . It’s been fruit and yogurt and just a mix of everything .

I didn’t plan on feeling like eating all this, and that’s where my fear sets in.

I get scared that anything unplanned would lead to a binge , although while that was true when I was living in my eating disorder, it doesn’t need to be true now .

And more importantly, doesn’t everyone have days where they feel like snacking or just eating ?

Is this part of normal eating ? Do “normal” people get mad at themselves for eating sometimes even if they are not hungry ?

Karen would say this is all part of normal eating .

Karen has told me before to talk to myself as I would talk to my best friend.

If my best friend were to tell me she was mad at herself for eating or snacking, I know exactly what I would say.

“Who cares dude, it’s just one day, enjoy it and move on tomorrow.”

And she would and has said that to me many many times when I vent to her about eating.

So since I can’t be as compassionate to myself as I would be to a friend, because I am still mad at myself for eating this unplanned food today, ill give myself the best piece of advice I can in this moment .

Whatever, move on.

So ill eat extra food today, whatever.

Ill eat some extra chocolate today, whatever .

Whatever Ed, what-e-ver.

157 days later, and I am still fighting with Ed.

But that’s OK.

I would rather fight Ed everyday, than be a victim of his again, and to that I can say, hello life.

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6 thoughts on “Day 157: Whatever

  1. If you’re a descendant from the Berger blood line it is normal to check the fridge at least every 15 min when not otherwise occupied. Lol.

  2. I love your blog today. Whatever. That’s 100% right. Even if your not hungry, snacking on something yummy always makes you more happy. Especially chocolate! I love you most in the world,
    Dandan

  3. I’m right there with your mom. And I think we must have been on the same wave length today because I went through every snack and food I keep in my drawer or the fridge at work today! It was just one of those days! Like your mom always said and what Cailee learned in kindergarten – Pick up, Dust off, Move On 😉 that’s the way I roll. Xoxo

  4. Whatever, that’s exactly right. Life, if we like it or not n if we planned it or not, life got many surprises for us. So, yes Shira, whatever. … N it only happens every night at 12 am that I Got to have some chocolate chip Hagen daz n u know what I tell myself???? Whatever!!! N still the next day the sun shines n I move on… There’s a lot to catch n see in front of me so yes, as I’m biting from my favorite chocolate” pesek zman” ( timeout) I say cheer to you Shira- Whatever❤❤❤

  5. Have you considered just writing about maybe why you feel hungry today, why you want to snack? For example: (1) What does hunger mean to me? (2) is there a pattern of thoughts or behavior on days before days like this, that I recognize? (3) Where is the hunger in my body? (Craving- taste, tummy; hunger- throat, salivating, gnawing, lightheadedness). When I am having a need-to-snack day I find that most of my food cravings are actually a result of thirst, fatigue, feeling bored and any number of other things. Because of this I have strict breaks between eating (2.5 to 3 hrs) regardless.

    You are much further along so I don’t pretend to be even in your league with this issue. I just know that for myself, I can’t trust my cravings and so forth. I consider it like medicine. If I’m in pain, I’m only allowed so much Tylenol or whatever and can’t go beyond the recommended amounts so I ink of food in the same way. It’s way too tied up with my emotions to trust it. I’ll probably never be what they call an intuitive eater but I’m okay with that.

    Anyway, hope you are doing okay now.

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