Today is just one of those days .
We all have them.
Days where we try to fight with how we feel and we try to ignore it, but in the end that only brings us face to face with our feelings even more.
For me, today I have been feeling like eating and snacking all day.
I seriously don’t know why, but I have.
I tried to ignore it, and tried to forget about it , but in the end, I found myself going to the fridge 10 times in an hour anyway .
And I don’t mean I’m eating cake and candy . It’s been fruit and yogurt and just a mix of everything .
I didn’t plan on feeling like eating all this, and that’s where my fear sets in.
I get scared that anything unplanned would lead to a binge , although while that was true when I was living in my eating disorder, it doesn’t need to be true now .
And more importantly, doesn’t everyone have days where they feel like snacking or just eating ?
Is this part of normal eating ? Do “normal” people get mad at themselves for eating sometimes even if they are not hungry ?
Karen would say this is all part of normal eating .
Karen has told me before to talk to myself as I would talk to my best friend.
If my best friend were to tell me she was mad at herself for eating or snacking, I know exactly what I would say.
“Who cares dude, it’s just one day, enjoy it and move on tomorrow.”
And she would and has said that to me many many times when I vent to her about eating.
So since I can’t be as compassionate to myself as I would be to a friend, because I am still mad at myself for eating this unplanned food today, ill give myself the best piece of advice I can in this moment .
Whatever, move on.
So ill eat extra food today, whatever.
Ill eat some extra chocolate today, whatever .
Whatever Ed, what-e-ver.
157 days later, and I am still fighting with Ed.
But that’s OK.
I would rather fight Ed everyday, than be a victim of his again, and to that I can say, hello life.