Hi everyone ,
I apologize for such a late night post, but this is the first time I have time to write .
Earlier today I was watching a program on TV with my grandma called Our America that talked about gay people who tried to pray themselves out of being gay .
At the end of the documentary, one of the men who had fought with his identity as a gay man for almost his whole life said something that really hit me.
He said, “I am not just a gay man. I am a gardener, I am a husband, I am a friend, I am even a good decorator, you should hire me.”
All his life he tried to confine himself to one identity , and yet he is so much more than that one identity alone.
I, myself , am so much more than a number or a body.
For my whole life , I thought that a number on a scale or a skinny body was what made up my identity too .
And just like that man, I tried to fit that mold for so long , until I realized on this journey that I am so much more than that .
I am a daughter, granddaughter, sister, friend, and I am a good person .
But what stands out to me the most from all this, is the fact that while we all might be swimming in different parts of the ocean , we are all just trying to make it to the same peaceful shore.
Maybe it’s someone struggling with their sexual identity like that man in the show , maybe it’s someone struggling to find their true inner identity and not base who they are on things like weight and body like me , or maybe it’s someone who just doesn’t even know where to look to find their identity in the first place.
The point is, we are all in this struggle to find true sense of self together .
I am not alone in this journey to self discovery .
There is strength in knowing that we as people do not have to suffer in silence or alone .
I wish that one day I reach a point in my life that my path to recovery has not become a part of my identity , but merely a building block to my foundation of finding true happiness within myself .
For tonight, my identity lied within the company of my grandma and cousin, and not in my eating disorder, and to that I say hello life.